These people are insane.
Two small things:
#1 - As mentioned in a comment on my last post, apparently condoms are ruining their fun, they've switched to "contraceptive inserts." Nice. I'm relatively sure our sex life was over anyway, but now, it definitely is. Good luck, honey, enjoy that herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. As if this guy isn't fucking around on his wife with more than one person, and maybe his wife is too, who knows? She's so stupid...so stupid... -sigh-
It would serve her right to get pregnant, too. I know, that's cruel, and if I DID want to get back with my wife (right now, I actually don't want to, but that probably won't last more than another hour, it's a real rollercoaster in my mind, lemme tell ya) I sure wouldn't want his kid around (as Learned pointed out, and I agree) AND that wouldn't be fair to the kid...but...I'm pissed and mean and bitter right now, so I find it funny to contemplate. Instant white trash, getting child support from 2 different men for 2 different kids. I don't know who this woman is anymore, or what she did to my wife.
#2 - Her mother is insane, as I mentioned. Here's some proof - she just left a message here, FRANTIC, saying "EL - call me! Right away! Something you need to know - if JD takes The Boy out of state, he could file for custody there, and you'll be screwed."
First of all - what kind of monster do they think I am? If THEY think of this, what does that say about THEIR plans? I am glad I heard that message, I can ask the lawyer tomorrow if there's any truth to that, and if so, I'm not going to let them take him to Florida. But it sounds like bullshit to me.
Second - see how her mother is already in on things, trying to cause trouble. This does not surprise me, but now I know the source of the "He shouldn't have guns if he's on Prozac" and "If he throws things, that means he'll shoot you someday" comments.
Anyway...what a fucking mess this is going to turn into. She claims she's so independant but her mom is going to be in there fucking it up as much as she can, and EL will break down eventually and turn into the "take him for all he's worth" kind of woman, I know it.
#1 - As mentioned in a comment on my last post, apparently condoms are ruining their fun, they've switched to "contraceptive inserts." Nice. I'm relatively sure our sex life was over anyway, but now, it definitely is. Good luck, honey, enjoy that herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. As if this guy isn't fucking around on his wife with more than one person, and maybe his wife is too, who knows? She's so stupid...so stupid... -sigh-
It would serve her right to get pregnant, too. I know, that's cruel, and if I DID want to get back with my wife (right now, I actually don't want to, but that probably won't last more than another hour, it's a real rollercoaster in my mind, lemme tell ya) I sure wouldn't want his kid around (as Learned pointed out, and I agree) AND that wouldn't be fair to the kid...but...I'm pissed and mean and bitter right now, so I find it funny to contemplate. Instant white trash, getting child support from 2 different men for 2 different kids. I don't know who this woman is anymore, or what she did to my wife.
#2 - Her mother is insane, as I mentioned. Here's some proof - she just left a message here, FRANTIC, saying "EL - call me! Right away! Something you need to know - if JD takes The Boy out of state, he could file for custody there, and you'll be screwed."
First of all - what kind of monster do they think I am? If THEY think of this, what does that say about THEIR plans? I am glad I heard that message, I can ask the lawyer tomorrow if there's any truth to that, and if so, I'm not going to let them take him to Florida. But it sounds like bullshit to me.
Second - see how her mother is already in on things, trying to cause trouble. This does not surprise me, but now I know the source of the "He shouldn't have guns if he's on Prozac" and "If he throws things, that means he'll shoot you someday" comments.
Anyway...what a fucking mess this is going to turn into. She claims she's so independant but her mom is going to be in there fucking it up as much as she can, and EL will break down eventually and turn into the "take him for all he's worth" kind of woman, I know it.
posted by Fensty at 11:19 PM
10 Comments:
Talk to your lawyer about interference from her family, you may have a legal recourse to keep them out of it. I am not sure of this, but I remember hearing something about that.
The custody thing I have no idea, as my daughter is from my first marriage and my husband and I have no children together. But it really makes no sense, I always thought that the parent left behind could file charges against a parent who crosses state lines with a minor child, but I am not sure of that either. Best to talk to the lawyer about that.
Just because you own guns doesn't make you dangerous. My husband and I both own guns and are licensed to carry concealed, neither one of us in our worst moments ever once thought about using them.
Does her mother know she's screwing around on you?
I bet she didn't tell her mother that little tidbit. And she is making you out to be the bad guy in all of this to her family.
And yeah, affairs make people act out of character. Doesn't your wife know that contraceptive inserts don't protect against disease?
I think this guy she is seeing needs to be exposed for the sleaze he is. It was probably his idea to use something other than condoms. When it comes to sensation it doesn't make a difference for a woman, but for a man it does.
signed,
Learned the hard way.
Wednesday morning I printed out your long post about finding the emails, and I gave the printout to my wife to read at work. When I got off of work, I found a text message from my wife on my cell phone. Going from my memory...It read, "I still do love you. But I understand how EL feels." (or something like that)
We had had a very good evening on Tuesday (which proves that you don't have to live in Hersheypark to be riding a roller coaster in central PA!), after a total emotional breakdown on my part...I have NEVER cried so intensely that my face HURT. This followed an incident where she blamed me for something (a minor purchase) that I had NOTHING to do with, but which SHE had authorized. She had tried to find SOME way of blaming ME when she was TOTALLY at fault [it was an unintended membership in a child's book club...and we were being billed for stuff we didn't want....she didn't read the fine print]. I think she finally realized how much she hurt me...BUT, the difference in my situation is, she had never claimed she didn't love me.
This evening as she relaxed in bed, I read her the responses to the email post, and your post that followed that one (you hadn't yet posted the latest two).
She basically said two things:
1. EL needs to do what makes her happy. [although my wife had earlier said that you should wait until the affair burns itself out, instead of contacting the OG or OGW]
2. YOU don't need to put up with her crap. "Why does he (JD) WANT to continue with her?"
I'll show her your latest posts in the morning, but my thoughts are:
1. The Selfish Bastard (OG) who is not using a rubber, is a danger to both EL, you (potentially), and OGW. It's payback time, JD. It's time for SHOCK AND AWE.
2. I would definitely show the in-laws the emails, as embarrassing as they may be. It's time for SHOCK AND AWE.
3. Your occasional childish rants, and household indifference, are NOTHING....NOTHING...compared to her behavior. You may be correct in your "mental illness" speculation. Even if you were to get through this crisis together, what's NEXT? What will she do the next time she feels bored, or old, or ugly, or fat?
What will it be NEXT TIME?? You'd be foolish to think there would not be a next time.
At your age, you are still young enough to find a few potential spouses who aren't nutcases or confirmed men-haters. I say, GO FOR IT. Hell, go after OGW! (but definitely wear a rubber!)
EL's change of attitude after work today signals that she is totally under his spell.
You DESERVE better, JD. You deserve a strong, principled, mature woman.
SH
I don't think she's told her mom much, if anything, about the affair. I believe she might've said she's got a new friend or someone she "wants to see" or something. But I highly doubt she'd admit it's a physical affair or that they think they're in love. Her mom, well, whatever - but her Dad would FREAK on that.
SHOCK AND AWE - heh. It seems like that's the declaration of war, that it's really over. I want to hold off on that - telling her parents, etc...but the Other Guy's Wife is going to find out before I go on vacation, that much I've decided firmly.
I suppose I might deserve better, but so did she, I won't ever stop admitting that. I still think we should have been able to work on it, fix it, if only this other guy wasn't out there fucking it up for me.
Removing him at this point, isn't going to matter, I don't think. Having him dump her ass might, but me meddling will just prove I'm the control freak she says I am if I do that. I'm going to do it, though, because of how she's acting it shows me there's no hope, she's made up her mind - she's telling the truth, she made it up months ago and this is just the end.
Well anyway, I will discuss that with the lawyer too. I have a whole list of new questions but I don't feel like posting them right now.
I'm also getting another key made for her car tomorrow...lol. In the meantime I put my Mustang key on her spare keyring, it looks the same. She won't know unless for some odd reason she tries to start the car with the "spare" keyring tomorrow.
Well, anyway, yeah, I'm pissed and at the end of my rope now, it's sunk in, I'm going to be single soon despite everything I wanted to happen, it's gonna happen anyway, 'cuz it's what she wants.
Hi... I've stumbled into your blog. I've sent you an email to your account (from cosmovanb@yahoo). Please pardon me posting this here, but I didn't know if you checked your email there often :-)
--Barbara
I agree with the first commenter...talk to your lawyer. In fact, try to get a mediation before court. That way, your soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law can't be there. If she's hell-bent on starting trouble, that would be an ideal arena. Watch yourself.
It's a shame, she calls you a control freak, but she is controlling this whole situation. It's all about what she wants, what makes her happy.
What about you, my friend?
signed,
Learned the Hard Way.
Well, I really don't want it to be "war" but I guess it is.
I still, most of the time, want my wife to wise up and realize what we had is a typical marriage problem that we could have solved. I know that now from reading so many of the stories many of you have shared, the websites, etc.
This whole thing, sick and twisted as it is, isn't unsurvivable. But, yeah, she's not going to see that until it's long over and too late, if ever.
So...it's not "war" in my head, it's not anything goes...but I do agree it's time to do a little more shocking to her system.
The talking to the other guy's wife, defintitely. Talking ot the other guy too, probably. Her parents - that's a sticky one, only because burning bridges there could be seriously bad news if the 1% chance that this thing still resolves, ever happens.
I considered "accidentally" leaving my list of lawyer questions in the printer, but I don't really want her to know the sorts of questions I'm asking. Maybe I could make a fake one. :)
During my vacation, I think I'm going to ask a female friend or two to call the house asking for me. NOT anything bad, just honestly saying, "Hey, it's just your friend Susie, wanted to see how you're doing, we miss you at work" and that sorta thing.
Low key but yeah, I'm into the head games now, most definitely.
I could always pretend to confide in her mother, knowing full well she'll run to Ellen the minute my back is turned, that's a possibility for some serious Machiavellian manipulations.
Or...maybe I'm just ranting.
The talking to the other guys' wife is the only thing I'm certain of doing now. I may still let my therapist talk me out of that, too, we'll see.
I agree with Mac. My husband and I went to marriage counseling with a Christian counselor but he was better at counseling me individually than the both of us.
When my husband's first wife left him for another man, he was court ordered to go to counseling, the counselor put him on meds and then told him to go out and sleep with as many woman as he could. A lot of help he was. My husband went twice and never went back.
signed,
Learned the Hard Way.
Well, you can see from the post I just put up, I think I'm going to file for divorce. Not that that means I'm done fighting, but it protects me a bit.
The paperwork might shock her into sense, or of course make her more likely to do what she wants, I don't know, but I need to do that.
I definitely was going to buy some books to read on the beach, and yes, your choices are the top of the list...do you know authors? I don't know I want one that focuses completely on affairs though because we have other issues.
Right on about my dad, that's exactly how he's being, and I'll let him be that way, but don't worry, I still have some hope. But I do think I need to protect my rights a bit in this. I know EL will start plotting before much longer...once she gets a lawyer and her mom butts in more.
So, I guess that's where I stand.
As for the counselor tips - well, I like what I'm getting so far, and as I posted, I MIGHT demand my wife goes during the divorce process, to make it easier on us, but also because she might "wake up" along the way and come to her senses..but yes, I will read up on it myself and make up my own mind, don't worry on that score.
I do gather in a lot of info, listen to opinions, but s you've all read - I always make up my own mind in the end...
Whoops, that was me, posted as anon by mistake. :)
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