"I Don't Like Mondays"

To paraphrase Bob Geldof & The Boomtown Rats just a little bit:

"And I can see no reasons, 'cuz there are no reasons...what reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?!
I don't like Mondays...
Tell me why?!?!
I don't like Mondays..."


Yes, it's come to this. I guess this is officially an angst blog now that I have resorted to posting song lyrics.

LOL, ok, not really - besides, like it WASN'T an angsty blog already? A song about a girl shooting up her school (waaay back in the 1979 when it wasn't even cool yet!) really doesn't compare to the last 59 entries in here, does it?


Anyway - I just twigged on the lyrics 'cuz I wanted a Monday reference. Relax, people, I'm not going on a shooting spree, and don't mean to be
morbid.

(For the clueless: http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/mondays.asp )


But it's true, I can't see any reasons for the actions my wife is taking anymore.

I suppose, to her, it must be the right thing to do. I can disagree with that all I want, but I'm not going to be able to change her mind - she might still do so, but I'm not helping.

So...here's what's new:

Sunday was more of the same, avoided each other somewhat, I put the finishing touches on cleaning up my downstairs, bagged up about 300 gallons of leaves (based on the fact I filled 6 55 gallon bags...) outside, she was kind enough to sit in my Mustang while I pushed it back outta the garage (battery was so dead...45 minutes on the jumper cables and it still wouldn't crank...) so I could get the 'ol beast started for the first time in a few months, preparatory to taking it in tonight to get the tranny rebuilt, finally.

Then she was kind enough to drive me to Sam's Club and use her membership to get me a new battery...LOL. Even after jumping it, and driving around for a half-hour or so, sucker was still dead... Well, car batteries really aren't meant to sit around drained flat for 6 months...and it was 4 1/2 years old anyway.

But...it was very sweet hearing the Bassani pipes on the Mustang roarin' away in the garage again, I must admit. I did forget what 300HP of V8 feels like after driving the Eclipse winter-beater since May, too.

Though, it's a little hard to enjoy without 3rd or 4th gear!



So anyway, taking the car in tonight, shop says it should be done by the weekend, which is good. I think I am taking The Boy to my sister's house in "Upstate" (that's anywhere in New York State that isn't NYC, for you non-Easterners) New York for the weekend. Be nice if the car was done by Friday actually, but I'll settle for Saturday.

Then, as long as the lawyer says it isn't "abandonment" (and websites I've looked at so far say it isn't) I'm driving to Naples, Florida for 2 weeks. I haven't told my Dad this yet (LOL, he may be reading it here, if so, Dad, hope you don't mind me sleeping on your floor for 2 weeks!) but I assume it will be OK. Not like I'm eating much right now, and a week or so of sitting on the Gulf Coast beach, reading pulp paperbacks and coming to grips with my impending divorce sounds like a good idea right now. Cruising around with the top down, enjoying the sun, and swimming is good aerobic exercise and something I've always enjoyed anyway. A long car trip each way to deaden the senses.

I mean, the 'stang is almost 5 years old and doesn't even have 20000 miles on it yet. I think I can splurge and add 3000 or so, don't ya think?

I'll probably visit my friend in Tampa for a day or so. Might see if Key West is as nice as I'm told. Maybe a lot of things.

And if I really want to try to internalize my impending divorce, I might even spend a day at Disney World. Alone. Just about everything in our marriage together revolved around trips to Disney together for the last 9 years. That may be too much of a morbid, self-hating thing to do to myself, but I might just do it anyway. My annual pass is still good and it's only a bit over an hour from Tampa anyway.

My shrink signed off on 3 weeks FMLA, my HR person at the company assures me they can't fire me, and I've got paid vacation and sick days left anyway, so screw it. I wasn't doing anyone any good at work anyway, and actually, I might even try to catch up a bit while I'm on vacation. Need something to occupy my nights...it's not a drinking and whoring trip, by any means, don't get the wrong idea. Just time out of this place, alone and with family, in the sun (I'm always more depressed in winter anyway, that whole seasonal affective disorder thing) and all that. Introspective, soul-searching kind of trip.

So, am I silly to leave for 2 weeks now? I don't know. It doesn't seem as it could possibly harm anything here, and if it calms me down and I come back with a new attitude towards this whole thing, that can't be bad. She's already left me in her heart, so me being gone can't matter. She's already broken off the affair, and even if she hadn't or gets back with the guy when I'm gone - so what?

I'm doing this for me, but I admit there's a small element of satisfaction, head games, whatever. Let's let her taste the life of a single mom for 2 weeks. Let her hear The Boy crying for Daddy for awhile. Let's see if the Internet connection drops while I'm gone and she can't restart it, or she gets car trouble, or The Boy gets a cold (I'm not wishing for my son to be unhappy, don't get me wrong! But it's going to happen sooner or later, let it be now when she's got a chance to rethink ruining the next 16 years of his life or more) or she gets a bad cold, or whatever. What things about me did she take for granted that I don't even know about, let alone her?

And the worst that could happen? Well, the answer to that might be "nothing at all." Maybe she realizes that 2 weeks with me gone is the best time she ever had, that she's glad I'm gone, that she doesn't miss me at all, that I get back and she wishes I wasn't here...well, then I'll STILL be better off knowing that, won't I? The uncertainty will be gone one way or the other.

I know, I won't go if legally it could be "bad" for me, but I'm pretty sure it's fine. I am just taking a short vacation and will continue all my obligations to her while I'm gone. I'd consider taking The Boy but I'm not sure that's really a good idea for a cross-country car trip, now is it? But I will take him out of her hair this coming weekend, regardless.