Wednesday. Goddammit.
I can't figure her out. I actually thought she was coming to her senses...the long time thinking it over seemed to get me optimistic again. Even my therapist was saying, well, if she's thinking it over, maybe she'll make the right call.
But...now I come home and she's been looking at lawyers online again, and went to the "Pennsylvania Child Support Calculator" page.
Interestingly, she put down, for number of nights "child staying overnight with paying parent" - 3. THREE? A YEAR? I assume she thought that was a week. I sure hope she's not insane enough to think she's going to get an arrangement where I'll only see him 3 days a year.
But anyway, you know, maybe she's just looking. I highly doubt it though. I really think this is the end, if she's to this point. Only my ruthless refusal to believe what's coming is coming, is allowing me to think, "She was just checking out of curiosity."
Funny how people can fool themselves, isn't it?
She scrolled down the page and it had automatically done some "spousal support" calculations, too. I sure as HELL hope she's not living in a fantasy world where she thinks she's getting that...I assume the page just made that calculation automatically. That's what it looked like to me.
So, I at least get a sneak preview of what she's probably going to tell me tomorrow.
On a side note, she was actually telling the truth about going out with the girlfriends tonight. She left at 6 and was home by 7:05, and even if I'd still have my doubts, one of them called here for her while she was gone and told me "She was supposed to call (this girl) but (this girl's) phone broke so instead tell her to call (that girl) to find out where we are."
Sure, that could have been arranged, but I'm not THAT paranoid. She just ran out to return a rented movie, and I'm entering this...I am ripping/burning the other movie for myself, and I'll go take that one back later. I wonder what she'll research on the computer when I'm gone that time...
Well, anyway...nothing else going on, really. What else is there anyway? Food? Well, my weight is down about 36lbs now. Seems sorta level the last 4 or 5 days so I guess the easy melting off of the really tubby pounds is over. :) I guess it's time to start doing more exercising and working the rest off the hard way. :)
People at work are openly commenting now, and I wore some pants today I thought I'd have to "retire" a month ago. That's probably the best feeling of all, really.
Again, I've still got about 7 months to go to hit my target if I'm doing 2lbs/week from here on out. Still, that's only May, I thought it'd be 'till August.
Looks like I'll be single then, too, so at least I'll look good at the start of summer, eh? I'll have 6 weeks of vacation stored up too, and the project I'm working on at work now is due to wrap up in April. So...I forsee a long summer vacation somewhere on a beach.
Thinking ahead to something good like that is all I can do at this moment in time.
What a goddamn stupid woman. I'm torn between being in despair and being angry at her right now. Why would she do this to our son, I have no idea. Not even going to TRY?!? DAMMIT.
LOL can you see the rollercoaster? Live and in front of you...one second I'm dreaming about Tahiti, next I'm pissed off at my wife again...and in a few moments...yeah here it comes....I'll be all despairing and depressed.....
...wait for it...
...wait for it...
Oh yeah, here it is...freakin' a...I can't believe she's going to throw away 9 years, a house, a marriage, our son's good future, acquire a good $20000 in debt for both of us...without even TRYING to save our marriage??? Not even for a couple months? Does she REALLY love that guy that much, it's crazy.
The really sad thing is, the months ahead are going to suck, because I still refuse to move out. We'll live together in this house right up until it's sold, I have no doubts at all. And, you know, she might just change her mind during that time, at some point, when the affair turns sour, and she sees I really have changed, and (hopefully?) sees me getting on with my life, without her, and getting closer to our son (as he approaches 3, he'll start getting out of this "Mommy Mommy!" phase) and, dare I say, maybe even me dating or something....and you know, she might just change her mind.
But...will I be able to go back at that point? I don't think I will. I don't think I'll trust her, I don't think I'll be able to look past all this and her willingness to toss it away without a try....I really don't. I'll love her, but I'll hate her a little too by that time.
Dammit. That just makes it worse, you know?
But...now I come home and she's been looking at lawyers online again, and went to the "Pennsylvania Child Support Calculator" page.
Interestingly, she put down, for number of nights "child staying overnight with paying parent" - 3. THREE? A YEAR? I assume she thought that was a week. I sure hope she's not insane enough to think she's going to get an arrangement where I'll only see him 3 days a year.
But anyway, you know, maybe she's just looking. I highly doubt it though. I really think this is the end, if she's to this point. Only my ruthless refusal to believe what's coming is coming, is allowing me to think, "She was just checking out of curiosity."
Funny how people can fool themselves, isn't it?
She scrolled down the page and it had automatically done some "spousal support" calculations, too. I sure as HELL hope she's not living in a fantasy world where she thinks she's getting that...I assume the page just made that calculation automatically. That's what it looked like to me.
So, I at least get a sneak preview of what she's probably going to tell me tomorrow.
On a side note, she was actually telling the truth about going out with the girlfriends tonight. She left at 6 and was home by 7:05, and even if I'd still have my doubts, one of them called here for her while she was gone and told me "She was supposed to call (this girl) but (this girl's) phone broke so instead tell her to call (that girl) to find out where we are."
Sure, that could have been arranged, but I'm not THAT paranoid. She just ran out to return a rented movie, and I'm entering this...I am ripping/burning the other movie for myself, and I'll go take that one back later. I wonder what she'll research on the computer when I'm gone that time...
Well, anyway...nothing else going on, really. What else is there anyway? Food? Well, my weight is down about 36lbs now. Seems sorta level the last 4 or 5 days so I guess the easy melting off of the really tubby pounds is over. :) I guess it's time to start doing more exercising and working the rest off the hard way. :)
People at work are openly commenting now, and I wore some pants today I thought I'd have to "retire" a month ago. That's probably the best feeling of all, really.
Again, I've still got about 7 months to go to hit my target if I'm doing 2lbs/week from here on out. Still, that's only May, I thought it'd be 'till August.
Looks like I'll be single then, too, so at least I'll look good at the start of summer, eh? I'll have 6 weeks of vacation stored up too, and the project I'm working on at work now is due to wrap up in April. So...I forsee a long summer vacation somewhere on a beach.
Thinking ahead to something good like that is all I can do at this moment in time.
What a goddamn stupid woman. I'm torn between being in despair and being angry at her right now. Why would she do this to our son, I have no idea. Not even going to TRY?!? DAMMIT.
LOL can you see the rollercoaster? Live and in front of you...one second I'm dreaming about Tahiti, next I'm pissed off at my wife again...and in a few moments...yeah here it comes....I'll be all despairing and depressed.....
...wait for it...
...wait for it...
Oh yeah, here it is...freakin' a...I can't believe she's going to throw away 9 years, a house, a marriage, our son's good future, acquire a good $20000 in debt for both of us...without even TRYING to save our marriage??? Not even for a couple months? Does she REALLY love that guy that much, it's crazy.
The really sad thing is, the months ahead are going to suck, because I still refuse to move out. We'll live together in this house right up until it's sold, I have no doubts at all. And, you know, she might just change her mind during that time, at some point, when the affair turns sour, and she sees I really have changed, and (hopefully?) sees me getting on with my life, without her, and getting closer to our son (as he approaches 3, he'll start getting out of this "Mommy Mommy!" phase) and, dare I say, maybe even me dating or something....and you know, she might just change her mind.
But...will I be able to go back at that point? I don't think I will. I don't think I'll trust her, I don't think I'll be able to look past all this and her willingness to toss it away without a try....I really don't. I'll love her, but I'll hate her a little too by that time.
Dammit. That just makes it worse, you know?
posted by Fensty at 7:41 PM
26 Comments:
so.
wait.
do you love your wife.
or hate her?
or maybe you just like playing the innocent one?
LOL. You need to read down to the start of this blog, my friend. I do not claim to be the innocent one, never did.
What I said was - I love my wife now. But if she starts down the road to divorce, and we put ourselves through that hell for the next few months, and then she changes her mind - I'll "PROBABLY" hate her a little by then.
I did a lot of things to get it to this point, but she's made her share of choices since then. And she now gets to make the big one - TRY to fix a 9 year relationship for a few months, or chuck it all for a 6 week old relationship.
So - yeah, I'm a little bit pissed off about it all now, that's true.
But wait an hour and I'll be saying it's all my fault again, probably. That's what an emotional roller coaster like this is like. Maybe you've been thru it and know that, or maybe you don't. I dunno.
I saw this latest post of yours after I replied to your email, and I had this afterthought:
If you were that BAD of a husband, she would have left you BEFORE she found someone else, not AFTER.
It sounds to me that your marriage had simply evolved from teen-like passion to mature day-to-day boredom. Such is *normal* married life. If she leaves you, she will soon be bored with him.
It sounds like she is simply an immature, insecure, adulterous bitch.
Regarding the support and custody stuff, I *think* the "3 days" would be three days per month. Screw that. I would fight for primary custody, if you want it, showing her to be the adulterous sleaze that she has, with HIS help, become. Assuming she is truly a good mother, I would fight for at least JOINT custody.
Who knows what she'll say tomorrow??
I, too, checked out those PA divorce calculators, etc., a couple of weeks ago. I think it's just natural for someone who MIGHT be facing a divorce to do that, but it doesn't mean
that she has made a decision yet. I wonder what her "friends" advised her......
SH
At one point, I wanted her to, because I thought it might help.
At least 2 complete strangers that I know of, have re-thought affairs they are in due to this blog. I don't know what might finally result from that - people are people and they'll do what they do, you know...but, I thought, damn if strangers can read that and at least slow down and take another look at things, shouldn't she??!
But...I don't think it will help now, only make things a lot worse. There is too much stuff in here that she would only see the negative things (as evidenced by Murphy claiming I'm trying to be "woe is me" all the time, and whoever made that "innocent" comment up there) and plus - it might be able to be used against me in court. So, now I can't show it to her.
I considered printing some parts out, letting her read them and then taking them back when she's done, but to what point...nothing seems like it's going to change her mind now.
JD the BH
Yes, I've considered that - she may just be curious if I was telling her the truth, checking options, etc...
She may also be planning to tell me she wants counseling, but will continue to work behind the scenes to try to get a lawyer, etc. Well, I already plan to do that, I've got the name of a good lawyer now...
And yes...I pointed out that exact thing to her and she didn't disagree. I said, "So...if I'd come to you 3 week sooner, you'd have gone to counseling, wouldn't you?" She said yes. So I was like, "Then how can you possibly say you don't want a divorce because of him?!?"
Whatever, man, whatever.
She is a little immature, I always found it sweet and endearing before now. But at this point it's not helping the situation. She's head over heels for someone for 3 weeks and ready to piss it all away.
But, please don't call my wife a bitch. Seriously. That's how jacked up I still am over this - I love her dearly even now...I'm depressed, angry, but in love all at the same time, y'know?
But she is immature and adulterous at this moment, yes.
And I also wonder what her friends are telling her...women, I swear, why do they all want to ruin each other's lives. I never knew a woman to tell another woman to do anything other than leave a man.
Ladies reading this, do you disagree? Sorry to generalize, tell me if I'm being a chauvanistic ass on that one, I'd be happy to be wrong!!
Good point about the "from teenage passion to standard day to day boredom." I really don't think it was much worse than that.
I used to be a very romantic, considerate guy, and I regret that I lost that part of myself - I DO still take a LOT of the blame for what got us to this point, definitely. I know how much she loved that stuff...and how happy the little things made her, but I just let it all drop because of my own issues and stuff...but...I know we can get back to that point...if she'd give it the try...
Maybe she's just leading you to believe she's silly and malcontent but really she's laying the path for you in an effort to mislead. and then is laying a trap. watch out BH. You could be walking into folly.
Also possible. I think I know my wife a little better than that after 9 years.....
.....but, if I knew her that well, I'd have seen this coming, eh?
So...yeah. Who knows what's really going on in her mind, I surely don't, or I'd not be in this position. I don't know who she is anymore...
She is such a dim wit.
you should call social services.
TC,
D
maybe she is coming to her senses and you blow like an air hole.
TC,
D
Whoa...what? I'm sorry, is someone impersonating "D", did I misunderstand that, or did I offend you somehow?
I dunno what "blow like an air hole" means but it doesn't sound too good...?
I just meant ... and gag me if I'm wrong ... but "you're an anus."
Your lack of proper capitalization gives you away, Murphy. (The referral and IP logs merely confirm...)
Whatever. Nice to see you were so strong in your convictions that you lasted nearly a whole week in your quest to not pollute my blog anymore.
And pretending to be someone else, WTF? Who needs to grow up, exactly?
Maybe you can try your excellent "A B C" system of divorce mediation on your aunt and uncle.
whoopsie. taking my 'abc' meds home. still think you're a moderately functioning a (just used an alphabed member there) hole.
The morale here, at the bad hoot, is that you should not be a manipulative insecure asshat. And then if you choose to exemplify those qualities, well... you should do it with class, and/or style. which, FYI, would be not the way it's done here.
sorry.
forgot to mention.
cause i'm so incosiderate sometimes.
we'll see how "naive" your little lady is.
and i do mean "we'll see"
Maybe you're just dumb. You should consider this. I wouldn't want you thinking you had less clues than Colombo just cause you were run of the mill.
As a Lady, BH, I do disagree. I never personally tell a woman to get out of a marriage without counselling unless there is physical or sexual abuse going on. You have a child, you should be trying to work things out. Or, if nothing else, work in counseling so that the divorce is as least traumatic as possible for your son. And in that case, I agree with the other commentor...fight for joint custody. Fight to be as involved in your son's life as possible. Make sure she can't change his schools or leave town with him without your involvement. This is not for you, it's for your son. He needs you.
I will continue to read your blog and hope for the best....
Good Anon here to Bad obnoxious Anon, Get your ass out of JD's blog. Nobody even wants to hear your bullshit! Murphy is that you? Why don't you go home and play with your dolls and live this stuff to the grown-ups!
oh babe. whatever rope you hold on to, his midle name is nuce.
heart-D
TC
Murphy, I'm not your baby. Don't you have something better to do than bother JD? It's way past your bedtime if you're in the US, perhaps you should head on to bed like a good little girl and stay away from here. Haven't you got it yet that you're not wanted??!!!
Private eduction huh? Yeah it looks like it. Your words and thoughts are so disjointed that they don't even make sense. Is that the reason you are over here? Needing a little attention?
JD, dude, man, please tell me there is way to block this bitch from posting??
LOL. Are you KIDDING?
Why would I block her from posting, or even delete her comments?
She'd doing a far better job of proving who the asshole is than I could ever do, so why interfere? She'll get tired and go away eventually.
Sad that a "private education" doesn't teach her how to use the SHIFT key, or, for that matter, explain the use of QUOTATION MARKS to QUOTE someone else's words. She apparently thinks they're window dressing or something you add for emphasis.
All that money wasted. I mean, she has a MASTER'S degree. And she can't even work Powerpoint.
LOL! Spitting Diet Minute Maid again, J!
The REAL D, shift key and all!
Oh, and have I lately mentioned that imitation is the highest form of flattery?
TC,
Real D
I've been reading your blog for a while and hesitated at first to comment.
I once was in your wife's shoes. And I totally blamed my husband. But you know what? I was only jusitfying my own bad behavior. I ended my affair. I confessed all, and we have been working on our marriage. That was almost 3 years ago. Don't give up on her.
Also, I live in PA too. Do you know that if she files for divorce, if you insist on counseling, the judge will court order it. Although it is much better for her to go willingly, don't discount this.
Another thing, she is very naive if she thinks this man will leave his wife for her, that seldom happens, especially if he has financial responsibilities.
Signed,
Learned my lesson the hard way in PA.
Hey, "Learned the Hard Way" thanks for commenting.
I'll be putting in a full entry just after this, but unfortunately, I have to give up...she told me in no uncertain terms just now she wants out, forever, no interest in counseling, nothing.
I will consider the "court ordered counseling" but basically, she said "look, if you want me to go during the divorce, OK, but I won't give up the affair." Whatever. I am too upset (mostly angry at her refusal to even consider it could ever get better, for the sake of our boy not to even TRY...) to think too much about it right now.
I don't want her to stay in a loveless marriage, any more than I'd want that for myself, the Boy would be better off with us divorced. But she refuses to TRY...
She says she wants to continue the affair?
But I thought she "wanted to be alone"???!!!
What a liar!!
She wants to live alone, but not BE alone.
Fine. Let her do it.....without the Boy!
Call the wife of the OG.
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