Little Update
You'd all be proud of me, I didn't use that "Don't do this to The Boy" angle of conversation in talking to EL tonight.
Which, we finally did. I had planned to give her that letter tomorrow, as you know if you've been reading along, but tonight we got to talking so we finally had the conversation we needed to have.
I pretty much covered everything in the letter, and will still give it to her tomorrow for legal reasons, but, there isn't much hope.
She just does not think it's the right thing to do for her to stop the affair and work on the marriage for a few months. She is convinced nothing will change, that she won't be happy anymore, and she doesn't want to give up what's making her happy right now. She says she will consider it a waste of time.
Then again, it was at least nice we talked about it, she said she is going to think about it, and decide what to do soon. I'm sure it won't take long.
She did listen, she seemed to be thoughtful, and all I kept saying was, instead of looking at it as wasting 6 months, consider it wasting NINE YEARS plus our entire possible future if she doesn't at least TRY.
I was firm - to me, trying to save the marriage will mean we both work at it - she stops the affair, she concentrates on us, she helps me by telling me what she's thinking and feeling when I need to know. I said it wasn't a matter of her just waiting around while I "changed."
I don't think it's going to help, I'm sure she's just going to say let's get a divorce. At which point, I admit, I'll then remind her of the costs, pain, revelations that will come to light, etc. in a divorce and see if any of that matters.
But as for hoping to shock her back to reality, just as I assumed, that was wishful thinking. She's quite grounded in reality. She's sure I don't love her, she's sure she doesn't love me, and she's sure nothing will help, so she seems to be saying a divorce is all she wants.
But, we'll see.
There is a lot more to write on this as you might imagine, some strange things were said, but honestly, I'm too fatigued by it all to get into it right now. It wasn't very good, any of it, but at least she didn't just slam the door and say, "It's over, bye!."
Which, we finally did. I had planned to give her that letter tomorrow, as you know if you've been reading along, but tonight we got to talking so we finally had the conversation we needed to have.
I pretty much covered everything in the letter, and will still give it to her tomorrow for legal reasons, but, there isn't much hope.
She just does not think it's the right thing to do for her to stop the affair and work on the marriage for a few months. She is convinced nothing will change, that she won't be happy anymore, and she doesn't want to give up what's making her happy right now. She says she will consider it a waste of time.
Then again, it was at least nice we talked about it, she said she is going to think about it, and decide what to do soon. I'm sure it won't take long.
She did listen, she seemed to be thoughtful, and all I kept saying was, instead of looking at it as wasting 6 months, consider it wasting NINE YEARS plus our entire possible future if she doesn't at least TRY.
I was firm - to me, trying to save the marriage will mean we both work at it - she stops the affair, she concentrates on us, she helps me by telling me what she's thinking and feeling when I need to know. I said it wasn't a matter of her just waiting around while I "changed."
I don't think it's going to help, I'm sure she's just going to say let's get a divorce. At which point, I admit, I'll then remind her of the costs, pain, revelations that will come to light, etc. in a divorce and see if any of that matters.
But as for hoping to shock her back to reality, just as I assumed, that was wishful thinking. She's quite grounded in reality. She's sure I don't love her, she's sure she doesn't love me, and she's sure nothing will help, so she seems to be saying a divorce is all she wants.
But, we'll see.
There is a lot more to write on this as you might imagine, some strange things were said, but honestly, I'm too fatigued by it all to get into it right now. It wasn't very good, any of it, but at least she didn't just slam the door and say, "It's over, bye!."
posted by Fensty at 11:58 PM
1 Comments:
Yeah, I know. She truly just doesn't care about any of it anymore - our marriage, our history, our son, me. She thinks this is what's right for her. She's convinced I won't change, that it won't get better, that it's a waste of time to try.
I'm done. Now I just want it to be fucking OVER as fast as possible.
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