Saturday Afternoon. Car issues, 3rd & final letter.
So, AAA towed my car (we've only got the basic AAA, $3/mile towing. For $20 more a year we could have the plus, which is like almost unlimited towing. Dammit!) for $30 to Lansdale, the next exit up the turnpike, and dumped me at a small gas station/repair shop off the exit ramp. At 6:30 AM. They opened at 8 I think.
There was a Best Western hotel next door, so I went there to sit in the lobby and wait for EL to arrive. Of course I've had 2 hours sleep that night so it was impossible not to nod off in the easy chair in the lobby there. How rude, eh? Sitting in a hotel I'm not registered at, sleeping in the lobby...
But, she was nice enough to come get me, drive me home. The gas station was open by the time we left, so I could give them the keys and fill out the paperwork. If I'm lucky, it's nothing too major and it'll be done early in the week.
Of course I don't have another car to drive. I've got two Mustangs - the 2000 has no transmission (ironically, also going in the shop this week!) since I destroyed 2nd/3rd gear drag racing over the summer (legal, not street!) and the old 86 Mustang was a "project car" I never had any real time to devote to so it's currently uninspected/unregistered. I'm trying to sell that one now...so, if Monday they tell me it's going to be a few days, then I'll have to get that one registered/inspected and use it. The inspection is no big deal, I had it all "prepped" for inspection but never bothered to actually do it before I stopped driving it, and I can get the registration renewed on the spot at the DMV, so it's not a time factor that's annoying, it's the cost. It'll be like $100 for both, and I really didn't want to bother dropping money into it. But people do prefer buying a car that's inspected, so, I guess it might make it easier to sell.
Anyway, I got home, played with The Boy until they were ready to leave, and then crashed into bed from about 10-3.
I am still the same ball of anxiety and despair that I've been for 4 weeks. Writing this letter has brought all the feelings right back to the surface and I feel just like I did 3 weeks ago.
I know when I give it to her, it'll be the beginning of the end. The real end, the start of the divorce proceedings. She's not possibly going to say she wants to work on the marriage. Everything about her says she's in love with this guy and won't see any other choice. Hell, maybe it really is "true love" and all my wishful thinking otherwise is just that - wishful thinking.
Anyway I added a paragraph about that to the letter - is it a bad idea to "remind" her of her feelings for him? It's not like they're not "everything" to her right now anyway, I can't see how me mentioning it will make it any worse, but it will show her that I'm not ignorant of how she feels, that I'm still perceptive to what she wants, and that I see how silly it is for me to ask her to come back to the marriage.
And I added a paragraph about our history together.
Here are the excerpts. Nothing else has changed since the last posting.
------
You’ve told me a little about how he makes you feel, and why, and I understand that. But if we try and fail, he’ll still be there. If we’re going to try, you just need to stop it for now, and give us a fair chance to succeed in our marriage - if that’s what you want to do.
I know you’re in love with The Other Guy now. I have been in love with you since the week I met you, and I know you loved me too. So I’ve seen what you look like when you’re in love: excited, happy, thrilled, glowing. I know the look in your eyes, the tone in your voice. You’ve told me you don’t love me anymore right now, don’t feel anything special for me. So, there’s only one other reason for these things I am seeing in you right now – him.
I know how ridiculous it is to have me, the person you are unhappy with, try to tell you to stop loving him, the person you are bursting with excitement for…but what else can I do? Your love for him is obvious, and it’s fresh, new, exciting. But it is new.
But you’ve invested 9 years of your life in me, and I in you. We built a friendship, a loving relationship, passion, romance…and then a home, a family. We did these things together because we were in love, and happy together. We got married on what was and always will be the happiest day of my life! I will NEVER forget the smile on your face and the look in your eyes when that veil came up. The day The Boy was born, was not the happiest day – it was the most important day, the most momentous. But our wedding day was joy from start to finish.
I’ve made some changes – they will continue, and they’ll get better. I don’t claim they fix everything – I wanted to get a lot more of the house cleaned, I’m still not doing a lot of the laundry, that sort of thing. But…I’ve made some good starts. They will continue.
-----
Well, tell me if any of that screws it up any worse or anything.
I already know it doesn't matter, but I have to try, eh?
There was a Best Western hotel next door, so I went there to sit in the lobby and wait for EL to arrive. Of course I've had 2 hours sleep that night so it was impossible not to nod off in the easy chair in the lobby there. How rude, eh? Sitting in a hotel I'm not registered at, sleeping in the lobby...
But, she was nice enough to come get me, drive me home. The gas station was open by the time we left, so I could give them the keys and fill out the paperwork. If I'm lucky, it's nothing too major and it'll be done early in the week.
Of course I don't have another car to drive. I've got two Mustangs - the 2000 has no transmission (ironically, also going in the shop this week!) since I destroyed 2nd/3rd gear drag racing over the summer (legal, not street!) and the old 86 Mustang was a "project car" I never had any real time to devote to so it's currently uninspected/unregistered. I'm trying to sell that one now...so, if Monday they tell me it's going to be a few days, then I'll have to get that one registered/inspected and use it. The inspection is no big deal, I had it all "prepped" for inspection but never bothered to actually do it before I stopped driving it, and I can get the registration renewed on the spot at the DMV, so it's not a time factor that's annoying, it's the cost. It'll be like $100 for both, and I really didn't want to bother dropping money into it. But people do prefer buying a car that's inspected, so, I guess it might make it easier to sell.
Anyway, I got home, played with The Boy until they were ready to leave, and then crashed into bed from about 10-3.
I am still the same ball of anxiety and despair that I've been for 4 weeks. Writing this letter has brought all the feelings right back to the surface and I feel just like I did 3 weeks ago.
I know when I give it to her, it'll be the beginning of the end. The real end, the start of the divorce proceedings. She's not possibly going to say she wants to work on the marriage. Everything about her says she's in love with this guy and won't see any other choice. Hell, maybe it really is "true love" and all my wishful thinking otherwise is just that - wishful thinking.
Anyway I added a paragraph about that to the letter - is it a bad idea to "remind" her of her feelings for him? It's not like they're not "everything" to her right now anyway, I can't see how me mentioning it will make it any worse, but it will show her that I'm not ignorant of how she feels, that I'm still perceptive to what she wants, and that I see how silly it is for me to ask her to come back to the marriage.
And I added a paragraph about our history together.
Here are the excerpts. Nothing else has changed since the last posting.
------
You’ve told me a little about how he makes you feel, and why, and I understand that. But if we try and fail, he’ll still be there. If we’re going to try, you just need to stop it for now, and give us a fair chance to succeed in our marriage - if that’s what you want to do.
I know you’re in love with The Other Guy now. I have been in love with you since the week I met you, and I know you loved me too. So I’ve seen what you look like when you’re in love: excited, happy, thrilled, glowing. I know the look in your eyes, the tone in your voice. You’ve told me you don’t love me anymore right now, don’t feel anything special for me. So, there’s only one other reason for these things I am seeing in you right now – him.
I know how ridiculous it is to have me, the person you are unhappy with, try to tell you to stop loving him, the person you are bursting with excitement for…but what else can I do? Your love for him is obvious, and it’s fresh, new, exciting. But it is new.
But you’ve invested 9 years of your life in me, and I in you. We built a friendship, a loving relationship, passion, romance…and then a home, a family. We did these things together because we were in love, and happy together. We got married on what was and always will be the happiest day of my life! I will NEVER forget the smile on your face and the look in your eyes when that veil came up. The day The Boy was born, was not the happiest day – it was the most important day, the most momentous. But our wedding day was joy from start to finish.
I’ve made some changes – they will continue, and they’ll get better. I don’t claim they fix everything – I wanted to get a lot more of the house cleaned, I’m still not doing a lot of the laundry, that sort of thing. But…I’ve made some good starts. They will continue.
-----
Well, tell me if any of that screws it up any worse or anything.
I already know it doesn't matter, but I have to try, eh?
posted by Fensty at 3:15 PM
1 Comments:
Whoops. I forgot to edit HIS name outta there when I first posted it. Not that it's any big deal, but y'know, for appearance's sake...
I just edited it out anyway.
Thanks, Jayn. It's as "polished" as I can make it. Still a run-on, wordy thing, but I try to stay positve about myself, SHARE in the "blame" but not TAKE any, and remind her of our history together.
It probably won't help but I'll feel I did my best.
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