Lawyer Questions, Second Round

Here's what I've come up with for the lawyer. Many of these are the same as the ones I asked the first guy, but I want a second opinion of course, as some things have changed. And there are a few new ones too:

Tell me about who files first, does it matter? Do we need “grounds” for divorce? Do I need to “strike first” or can I wait her out, which is what I’d rather do?

Is there an advantage to me filing and filing with “grounds” of the affair?

Is a “fault” divorce possible, does it give me more rights, better chances at custody, not paying support, or anything like that? Is it worth it at all?

Is "Mediation" really just the way to go, if she's being reasonable, and if I have no chance at getting full custody?

Is it true I can demand she go to counseling, even tho that would seem to be pointless? Could that hurt my attempts at anything later, since then she can say she “tried”? Am I better off just letting her make her own stupid mistakes?

Custody – how possible is it I’d get full? I earn about 70% more than her, her parents are recovering alcoholics, her grandmother is insane, mental problems seem to run in the female side of her family, her dad used to beat his kids, etc. Probably all hearsay and useless in court, right? What about her abandoning her marriage without any attempt at reconciliation, etc.

What will HER lawyer be telling HER about custody? Does SHE have a chance to get full custody? What can she expect for child support, how is it calculated, are those online web site calculators legitimate?

What’s this crap about taking (The Boy) out of state, and custody? It’s bullshit, right? Do I need to refuse to let her take (the boy) to Florida? Write a letter, or otherwise affirm my rights?

What about filing for divorce in other states with different laws, how does that work? Is that a reason I should file first? Can you really do that at will on any of the 50 states or do you have to have SOME claim of SOME tie to that state?

Would there be any point in me contesting the divorce?

Does the affair affect custody, support, etc?

If we have “joint” custody and he spends 50/50 time with us, what does that mean for child support? Half, or none? What will HER lawyer tell her about that?

Stock options – am I sure they are really mine? Confirm what last lawyer told me about equity and the share price. What about vesting schedule?

Affair proof – is all my proof now acceptable in court? Printouts of emails she left lying in common property? Should I hire a PI to get more goods on them while I’m gone on vacation? Do I even need the other proof anymore? Phone records, are they any use? Birth control suddenly being purchased, lingerie receipts…any use?

Is there any chance we can subpoena the work email records for more proof?

The letter the other lawyer suggested I write – was that good? Does it prove I don’t consent to the affair?

What about me – Assuming I want to, when can I start seeing other people, without giving up any rights in the divorce? After we file? Already, since I’ve legally told her I consider us separated? Can we sleep in the same bed, does that cause any problems?

Does fault/no fault/grounds for divorce/contesting = any of that have anything to do with when I can see other people without affecting my rights in the divorce?

Is my going on vacation anything that can be used against me? What precautions should I take?

Confirm: Neither of us can force the other to move out if we don’t want to. Nobody can change the locks, or start making life purposely unbearable for the other, can they? Is that grounds, then, for a court order to vacate? What are the rules about paying the mortgage if someone vacates?

Can either of us restrict others from being in the house? Any legal recourse for violating those agreements? Do I have the right to say, "Don't bring that guy here" when I'm here, or not here? Does she?

Can she get a PFA on me by claiming she’s afraid, though there is absolutely no record or history of any violence in my past? Does “throwing things” when angry count for anything?

Can they take my guns or CCW permit away?

Does me being on Prozac and going to counseling make any differences?

If I don’t want to sell the house, how do we determine what I need to pay her for equity?

If she is really willing to sign off on everything like she claims – 50/50 custody, my stocks, my 401k, child support, the house, etc…how do we do that quickly before she changes her mind. Can we codify that legally somehow BEFORE the filing is complete, the 90 day cooling off, etc? I think she’ll change her mind if we wait too long…

If I do stupid things like get her fired, call her boyfriend, etc. does that have any affect in court?

How do we handle credit cards, etc. going forward? Other “personal” debts that might be run up? Do I need to worry she’ll run up debts I’d have to pay, and vice-versa? All those debts paid by the remortgage, anything?

How are legal fees paid? Not jointly I hope.

Taxes – file singly this year? If jointly, what do we do about the refund?

Does she do wills? Or refer me to someone cheap who does? I need to make (The Boy) the beneficiary of everything. How does one set up a trust fund so she can’t touch it ‘till he’s 18? Is it legal for me to "cut her out" of everything before we're divorced, and give it to (The Boy)?

Stupid, spiteful question – can I take my engagement ring back? Leads to a more realistic question - can either of us stop the other from taking household items and "selling" them for profit to screw the other person? What about "personal" property we were given by the other person - engagement ring, pearls, etc...? Are those considered community property that have to be accounted for? (Say, she keeps her jewelry, I get to keep my computers and my Mother's furniture, that kind of thing...)

If I want to cash out my stock options before the divorce, can she get half then? Or would it still be "protected" as this "half-the-equity-since-the-marriage-date" rule applies?

If she goes crazy and damages something in the home, is that a good reason to get her removed?