Wednesday Night..."Working Late" again.
Well. They must really be working some long overtime there at her work suddenly. Three days in a row she's 2 hours late. Must be working hard, too, since she comes home all flushed and sweaty.
Does this sound a bit angrier in tone? Yeah, it is, a bit. But I'm still breaking up inside...sitting here with my son, trying not to cry. I can't help it, though, I'm a little bitter and angry tonight. How patient is a guy supposed to be when he's wifes out fucking around EVERY night after work?
I took him for his haircut today, me and her father. First time we ever took him - she and her mom always did before. I think this was only haircut #4. So, yeah, I certainly should have done it a long time ago.
But, my point, is that she promised to meet us over there. That was nice, I figured, it looks like she was giving me at least one night this week to be with her. Then we were supposed to get some food as a family.
But I guess, she can't even overcome her new feelings for that long. That's making me so heartbroken I can just die.
But, yeah, I'm a bit angry about it too. It's one thing to leave me sitting around, miserable, while she's out with him parked somewhere. I DESERVE it, actually. Don't think I don't know it.
She let down our son this time, though. He was crying and crying for his mommy, and me and his pappy kept telling him, "Mommy's coming, Mommy's coming."
Now, if I said any this to her, I'd be "manipulating" her. "Controlling" her. And, yeah, I guess I would be a bit.
So once again, I spill it out here on the blog, so I don't bother her when she gets home.
I also asked her really nicely to come home early enough that we could talk things over tonight. If she comes home and pulls the "I'm too tired to talk about anything right now" it's going to be bad. I don't know what I'll do. If I force the conversation, that'll make it go just that much worse. COMPLETELY bad idea. If we don't have the conversation, then, it'll mess up our first session tomorrow night with counseling, as there will be "unsaid things" she may be tempted to lie about and make things worse. I need to lay it all on the table tonight, what I've read and what I know, and how I know it.
I got myself into this, sure. But she could at least TRY to control herself enough to work it out a bit.
I know that's not fair. I know that's me trying to "take away what she wants" and "manipulate" her and stuff.
I guess that's my best sign of all she really doesn't want to fix any of this. She just wants to feel good with her new man.
But...repeated for the millionth time: I know she's not thinking straight. She's in lust, she's angry at me, and those two things are just making her do what she wants to do and damn the consequences. One of those consequences being our marriage...
That's why I can do nothing. But sit here. Knowing what she's doing. Powerless.
Does this sound a bit angrier in tone? Yeah, it is, a bit. But I'm still breaking up inside...sitting here with my son, trying not to cry. I can't help it, though, I'm a little bitter and angry tonight. How patient is a guy supposed to be when he's wifes out fucking around EVERY night after work?
I took him for his haircut today, me and her father. First time we ever took him - she and her mom always did before. I think this was only haircut #4. So, yeah, I certainly should have done it a long time ago.
But, my point, is that she promised to meet us over there. That was nice, I figured, it looks like she was giving me at least one night this week to be with her. Then we were supposed to get some food as a family.
But I guess, she can't even overcome her new feelings for that long. That's making me so heartbroken I can just die.
But, yeah, I'm a bit angry about it too. It's one thing to leave me sitting around, miserable, while she's out with him parked somewhere. I DESERVE it, actually. Don't think I don't know it.
She let down our son this time, though. He was crying and crying for his mommy, and me and his pappy kept telling him, "Mommy's coming, Mommy's coming."
Now, if I said any this to her, I'd be "manipulating" her. "Controlling" her. And, yeah, I guess I would be a bit.
So once again, I spill it out here on the blog, so I don't bother her when she gets home.
I also asked her really nicely to come home early enough that we could talk things over tonight. If she comes home and pulls the "I'm too tired to talk about anything right now" it's going to be bad. I don't know what I'll do. If I force the conversation, that'll make it go just that much worse. COMPLETELY bad idea. If we don't have the conversation, then, it'll mess up our first session tomorrow night with counseling, as there will be "unsaid things" she may be tempted to lie about and make things worse. I need to lay it all on the table tonight, what I've read and what I know, and how I know it.
I got myself into this, sure. But she could at least TRY to control herself enough to work it out a bit.
I know that's not fair. I know that's me trying to "take away what she wants" and "manipulate" her and stuff.
I guess that's my best sign of all she really doesn't want to fix any of this. She just wants to feel good with her new man.
But...repeated for the millionth time: I know she's not thinking straight. She's in lust, she's angry at me, and those two things are just making her do what she wants to do and damn the consequences. One of those consequences being our marriage...
That's why I can do nothing. But sit here. Knowing what she's doing. Powerless.
posted by Fensty at 6:43 PM
2 Comments:
Dude, I'm a new reader.
Sorry to read about your situation but you know what, i spotted a few things that might help with you handling the situation. Not expert advice here, just a lil concerned opinion.
Maybe for one night, forget about all that has happened. Prepare a nice candle-light dinner. If you can't really cook, order-in. But something nice. Bring your Boy over to her parents. It's the night for you 2 to remember what it used to be.
Call her, tell her that you have a surprise for her. Gently plea so that she'll promise to be home. Let her make the choice with you on the line. Be gentle though.
Then try to bring out the old photos from college or those happy moments taken. I don't know this part on how you'll be showing her these photos and looking at them with her but hey, this would be a quality time spent if all this works out.
The keyword is to enjoy your time with her, while you can. This may sort of draw you away from the 'unfair situation thoughts' that may be stopping you from getting intimate with your wife again. Be a husband again. Be a lover again. Be the one who is understanding even though you know she doesn't deserve it. Just one night.
What happens next is all up to you mate.
Thanks. I appreciate the comment. You're first. :)
Anyway - that's all good advice and I've been trying what parts of it I'm "allowed" to already. By which I mean, I put the photo albums out in prominent places, I even put a pic of us at our wedding in the garage so she has to look at it everytime she parks her car. I made dinner and am doing all kinda crap around the house.
She's agreed to go on a "date" with me once a week. That sounds so ridiculous but yeah, I'm happy to get it.
But, she still refuses to really 'discuss' much of anything.
I appreciate the comment and will keep it up. I do sound pretty negative and whining about the "unfairness" of it all, but it's just so I can get it out. I do try to focus on the positive, not think too much about the other person, and just be showing her what I can do to fix things.
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