Sunday Night. And - thanks to commentors.

Quick note - I'm getting some comments, now. Thanks! I read them all (there aren't that many!) and reply back to them, so check back often, or continue to comment. I do appreciate knowing others are reading, and the advice and thoughts are appreciated.


Well. We had another short talk. She in fact agreed to what I assumed in my last entry: Yes, she's not going to commit to fixing anything in this marriage until AFTER she "explores her feelings."

Great.

So...it's official. I'm just a big, pathetic pussy who has to hang around the sidelines of my own marriage, waiting for my wife to date (and, presumably, continue - and advance - the sexual relationship already happening there) to see if she then decides, nah, this new guy who makes her feel so wonderful, special, and is all the things to her that I'm not....isn't what she wants, and instead, she'll deign to try to repair our own marriage.

Yeeeeeeah. This is gonna be greaaaaaaat. (Read that in a Lumberg from Office Space voice, please.)

Then, IF she decides this guy isn't what she wants...we somehow THEN get to TRY to repair our marriage, WITH the burden of an extramaritial affair to add that little extra "spice" which will surely make it just that much easier to fix and get beyond.

And, the sickest thing of all? I'm sitting here, taking it. Just taking it because, well, what else am I going to do? I won't give in and leave. Not happening. I've done that too many times in the past. I'm in this to the bitter end, even though that certainly appears where it's heading.

I suppose in 2 or 3 weeks, she might wise the fuck up. Or maybe 3 months. How long am I going to be able to take this? I just don't know.

And worst of all - my own self-esteem and dignity aside...would she really WANT to return to a man who "took" this kind of behavior for so long?



I need a woman's point of view on that one, please. Would you see it as an act of selfless love and proof of my true feelings to "hang around" for 3 months of her having an affair to "figure out what she wants", OR...would you see it as the act of a man who's so spineless and pathetic you wouldn't want him back anyway?


Anyway...that's about it. We had a perfectly OK time out shopping, bought some stuff, printing out pictures of The Boy in his awesome tux from yesterday...I know this is supposed to be an "anonymous" blog but I think I can't resist putting a pic up of The Boy in his tux.

She did agree she's never bringing this guy to the house, regardless if I'm home, or away on business, or anything. She also agreed she's never taking The Boy to meet this guy, either.

Maybe that's foolish - believe it or not, I'd rather have my son NOT be around this guy (and her see them together, auditioning Backup Daddy) than have The Boy act as a chaperone. Am I nuts on that one? Seems she's bound and determined to fuck this guy AND fall in love with him (or at least see if that's going to happen) regardless, she'll sneak around as much as necessary when The Boy isn't with them - so I really don't want him around them at all. I WANT her to be missing her son while she's out there cheating. Again, a form of head game but one that my counselor, I think, is OK with (I will check) since he recommends not leaving, putting little reminders around the house of our marriage and our relationship, and of course - not leaving.