Saturday Morning
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm entering a little of the anger stage, I guess. I think about how unfair all ths is to me.
Does she really want to try, like she says? If so - why does she get to have a boyfriend she can do whatever she wants with? Isn't it FAIR for me to say, she can't have that?
But of course, if I do - I'm controlling her and manipulating her.
If we're really going to try, shouldn't she be trying to "let me in" a little bit, instead of being as emotionally distant as possible?
But if I say that - I'm controlling and manipulating.
If we're really going to try, shouldn't we be discussing things like feelings, this other guy, what she wants to do, what's happening?
But if I try to talk - I'm not giving her space, and of course, I'm controlling and manipulating.
So I say nothing, and then I know it's just going to be a failure anyway. So I'm more emotional, anxious, a ball of nerves, wondering what's going on all the time.
I have to swallow every bit of pride and dignity I have. I have to basically be the biggest, stupidest, doormat that ever lived. I basically have to let my wife just do whatever she wants for as long as she wants, without ever talking about it with her. And hope when it's over she's decided a marriage with a child is worth saving.
I feel pathetic! I have NO dignity. I'm a hostage in this situation...and she says SHE feels trapped? She's the one who basically made me agree to let her have a sexual affair with a boyfriend, all while I try to prove to her I can change and be a better man.
I don't get it. Do I want to be a better man, if it means that? If I do anything else, aren't I selling out my son, though?
As long as she is getting what she wants outside the marriage, what possible reason would have have to want it from inside? She'll just resent me every minute I'm around because I'm not him. But, she won't even let me TRY to give her what he gives her. So I'm basically a nuisance.
Maybe I do need to stand up for myself. Would a woman really want to be married to a pathetic cuckold who lets her run around all she wants?
I don't know what to do. If I assert myself, she'll be angry at my controlling and manipulating. If I roll over and take it like I've been so far...I'm a loser who's not worthy of a wife anyway.
I really...don't....know....what....to....do.
Does she really want to try, like she says? If so - why does she get to have a boyfriend she can do whatever she wants with? Isn't it FAIR for me to say, she can't have that?
But of course, if I do - I'm controlling her and manipulating her.
If we're really going to try, shouldn't she be trying to "let me in" a little bit, instead of being as emotionally distant as possible?
But if I say that - I'm controlling and manipulating.
If we're really going to try, shouldn't we be discussing things like feelings, this other guy, what she wants to do, what's happening?
But if I try to talk - I'm not giving her space, and of course, I'm controlling and manipulating.
So I say nothing, and then I know it's just going to be a failure anyway. So I'm more emotional, anxious, a ball of nerves, wondering what's going on all the time.
I have to swallow every bit of pride and dignity I have. I have to basically be the biggest, stupidest, doormat that ever lived. I basically have to let my wife just do whatever she wants for as long as she wants, without ever talking about it with her. And hope when it's over she's decided a marriage with a child is worth saving.
I feel pathetic! I have NO dignity. I'm a hostage in this situation...and she says SHE feels trapped? She's the one who basically made me agree to let her have a sexual affair with a boyfriend, all while I try to prove to her I can change and be a better man.
I don't get it. Do I want to be a better man, if it means that? If I do anything else, aren't I selling out my son, though?
As long as she is getting what she wants outside the marriage, what possible reason would have have to want it from inside? She'll just resent me every minute I'm around because I'm not him. But, she won't even let me TRY to give her what he gives her. So I'm basically a nuisance.
Maybe I do need to stand up for myself. Would a woman really want to be married to a pathetic cuckold who lets her run around all she wants?
I don't know what to do. If I assert myself, she'll be angry at my controlling and manipulating. If I roll over and take it like I've been so far...I'm a loser who's not worthy of a wife anyway.
I really...don't....know....what....to....do.
posted by Fensty at 9:13 AM
2 Comments:
"If we're really going to try, shouldn't she be trying to "let me in" a little bit, instead of being as emotionally distant as possible?"
Yes....she should be trying to "let you in". She should be trying to make it work and not running around. I have only read up to this point so far so I have no idea what happens yet after this post. But at this moment, I have to change my opinion and say that it seems to me the lady has made up her mind. She is being unfair to you I think....expecting you to stand by while she sleeps with another man and to keep your mouth shut about it like you have no say so or no feelings. Arghhh....I'm so sorry but at this point in your story....it looks like you may have to face the fact that she is moving on. Once you begin to realize this fully....maybe it will become a little easier.
Gosh...it is such a difficult thing I know. I have been through this in such similiar ways. In fact, if it were not for a few minor facts, I would swear you were my own husband writing this.....BUT.....I never cheated and I always tried to leave a door open for him so we could work it out....and 15 years later, we are still together....Communication is so important but it sounds to me that she just doesn't want to communicate. She has given up and moved on, and please don't take all of the blame for this. From what I have read here, it seems to me that you have bent over backwards for her going well above and beyond what other husband's would do given your situation.
I am so so sorry.
I know. It's hard for me not to think all those things...that she's made up her mind...but, she still says she hasn't and this IS a pretty new thing...it's only been going on 2 weeks or maybe a little bit longer at this point...so, I have to let it go on at least a few more weeks to see if she comes around.
I'm still on that rollercoaster...up and down, day and night..."she loves me, she loves me not."
Actually, that's overstating it. More like, "She might decide to try to love me again, she won't ever try. She might try, she won't ever try." Over and over.
My therapist agrees this can't go on forever...within a few weeks she's going to have to talk about it, one way or the other.
I'm sorry to sound so mean and awful, but part of me wants this guy to just break her heart already...to admit to her she's just a fuck to him, etc.
And then a big part of me is afraid it isn't...or he'll tell her it isn't...and it could go on for months if he keeps acting like "the boy friend." Because that's what she wants, I know it, I've read that much in one of those bits of Email I saw...she said something like, "I really hope this isn't just a thing...I want it to be more." GREAAAAT. Then again that was 2 weeks ago. Sooner or later she has to come to her senses and see how stupid it all is.
I hope.
Post a Comment
<< Home