Tiny Update. Her Mom Is Insane, Pt III
I'll post a longer entry later all about her mom and our history, since Mac and some others asked.
But get this - EL just calls me. Her lawyer cancelled (you know, BOTH lawyers I went to see also rescheduled me - what is it with these people?) and so she didn't go.
But she tells me - and I admit this is a nice goodwill gesture on her part, I like that, shows some trust - she lied to her mother and said she DID go to the lawyer and they DID tell her it was nothing to worry about that I'm taking The Boy to NY for the night.
I'm like - EL, don't you see all these lies are just making things worse, just stand up to your mother - but she said no, her mother would, and I quote, "Flip out if she knew I made a decision like that on my own."
Great. This is what I have to contend with through the divorce.
Again, I appreciate the goodwill gesture that she knows the whole idea of me "stealing" my child is crazy and she'll let me take him to NY without asking a lawyer first. But the lies to her mother aren't going to help.
Best part: Her mother apparently drove by the house to check up on me and reported to EL that my Mustang was in the driveway. HORRORS! HE PICKED UP THE CAR WITHOUT TELLING US EL, SEE, IT PROVES HE'S PLANNING A HIGH SPEED CHASE TO CANADA!
EL admits her mother's been checking up on me for weeks now like that. That's nice, isn't it? Yet, when I said I'd seen the house The Other Guy lives in, she was like, "You have issues...this is why I worry."
I told her she has to stop lying if this is ever going to stop hurting her - she admits she can't sleep at night anymore. I asked her again, what time will you be home tonight? (Last night she said around 6.)
She said, "Oh, probably around 7." Hmm, why so late? "I'm going out to dinner with those clients, remember?"
I said, "OK, you know, EL, just once, let's try not to lie - really, you'll find it's better and easier, so let me ask you outright - are you going out with Him tonight?"
"I don't know. Maybe. I want to but I don't know if he can. OK, are you happy now? That is the truth, I really don't know, but I'm not going to dinner - if we can go out, we're going."
Actually, I said, I was. The more she admits that stuff, the better for all of us. I told her, if she tells the truth, I don't have to sneak around the way I was doing. It's better for everyone, and it will make her feel better. She admitted it did feel good to admit it.
Believe it or not - and I'd like opinions on this - that seems like a tiny bit of progress, that I got her to stop lying and face the truth, even if just to me.
Or, does it just mean the opposite, the more she gets used to telling the truth, the easier it will be to just keep doing it?
What do you think?
(OK, truth time also: I'm lying to myself here. I WILL sneak and look in her purse tonight, and see if one of the contraceptives is gone. I admit it, I'm weak, but I need to know, too. Y'know? That's what I try to tell her - I do what I do for peace of mind. The wondering sucks. I justify to myself, that all is fair when your wife is blatanty cheating on you. Is that rationalization?)
But get this - EL just calls me. Her lawyer cancelled (you know, BOTH lawyers I went to see also rescheduled me - what is it with these people?) and so she didn't go.
But she tells me - and I admit this is a nice goodwill gesture on her part, I like that, shows some trust - she lied to her mother and said she DID go to the lawyer and they DID tell her it was nothing to worry about that I'm taking The Boy to NY for the night.
I'm like - EL, don't you see all these lies are just making things worse, just stand up to your mother - but she said no, her mother would, and I quote, "Flip out if she knew I made a decision like that on my own."
Great. This is what I have to contend with through the divorce.
Again, I appreciate the goodwill gesture that she knows the whole idea of me "stealing" my child is crazy and she'll let me take him to NY without asking a lawyer first. But the lies to her mother aren't going to help.
Best part: Her mother apparently drove by the house to check up on me and reported to EL that my Mustang was in the driveway. HORRORS! HE PICKED UP THE CAR WITHOUT TELLING US EL, SEE, IT PROVES HE'S PLANNING A HIGH SPEED CHASE TO CANADA!
EL admits her mother's been checking up on me for weeks now like that. That's nice, isn't it? Yet, when I said I'd seen the house The Other Guy lives in, she was like, "You have issues...this is why I worry."
I told her she has to stop lying if this is ever going to stop hurting her - she admits she can't sleep at night anymore. I asked her again, what time will you be home tonight? (Last night she said around 6.)
She said, "Oh, probably around 7." Hmm, why so late? "I'm going out to dinner with those clients, remember?"
I said, "OK, you know, EL, just once, let's try not to lie - really, you'll find it's better and easier, so let me ask you outright - are you going out with Him tonight?"
"I don't know. Maybe. I want to but I don't know if he can. OK, are you happy now? That is the truth, I really don't know, but I'm not going to dinner - if we can go out, we're going."
Actually, I said, I was. The more she admits that stuff, the better for all of us. I told her, if she tells the truth, I don't have to sneak around the way I was doing. It's better for everyone, and it will make her feel better. She admitted it did feel good to admit it.
Believe it or not - and I'd like opinions on this - that seems like a tiny bit of progress, that I got her to stop lying and face the truth, even if just to me.
Or, does it just mean the opposite, the more she gets used to telling the truth, the easier it will be to just keep doing it?
What do you think?
(OK, truth time also: I'm lying to myself here. I WILL sneak and look in her purse tonight, and see if one of the contraceptives is gone. I admit it, I'm weak, but I need to know, too. Y'know? That's what I try to tell her - I do what I do for peace of mind. The wondering sucks. I justify to myself, that all is fair when your wife is blatanty cheating on you. Is that rationalization?)
posted by Fensty at 1:40 PM
3 Comments:
No time for a full reply right now, but:
I think her telling the truth MIGHT help.
But, if she doesn't "love" you, I'm not sure it
will help enough.
As for the contraceptives, you really needn't spy.
Simply ASSUME she is fucking, even if she doesn't
fuck EVERY time she sees him. In that case, just
assume that she is SUCKING every time she sees him! ;-)
She sure as hell isn't seeing him because he is a mature and honorable person.
More later,
SH
LOL...yeah, I guess it does look pretty neurotic of me, now that I step back.
"My wife's blantantly and admittedly having an affair, spending $150 a shot on sleazy lingerie, buying her own phone even tho my company gives one for free so she can have privacy, leaving copies of Emails describing sexual acts illegal in most southern states, and filing for divorce - but I'm looking in her purse to see if she's fucking him or not tonight."
Man, I AM as wacked out as she is, aren't I?
Point well taken. :)
I may update from the road...definitely from Florida, I'm taking my laptop and I assume I'll find some open wireless LANs down there in my dad's apartment complex...nobody protects their wireless. If not, I've got unlimited WiFi roaming on T-Mobile's network and they've probably got some bookstores and/or Starbuck's wired (er, wirelessly wired lol) up down there.
This weekend, probably won't bother.
Yes, I'll also be telling EL's parents about the affair the same time I tell the other guy's wife...once that agreement is signed. Gloves 100% officially off.
I won't get her fired though, I don't think, seems that would really just be evil and vindictive.
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