Nothing happened today.
Really.
I woke up with a splitting headache that didn't go away until about 4pm. No idea why, unless it was the half gallon of NutraSweet-laden Crystal Light I drank in the hour or so before bed. But that's never affected me before like that. But it sucked, lemme tell you.
Advil didn't touch it, even the Indomethicin I sometimes take for arthritis didn't touch it. After 2 Advil and 1 Indo I couldn't take anything else so I just laid around miserable.
Around 4 it finally cleared up (after a nap) so I showed up and went to pick up The Boy at daycare, brought him home and EL was here - she was supposed to be out on a date (at least she's not lying anymore) but obviously he couldn't get away from his wife.
So, she's informed me she'll be home around 9 tomorrow. She's lucky I've decided not to tell his wife, or I know who I'd be calling.
Instead, I called my aunt to ask if she wanted me and The Boy to take her and my other aunt out to dinner.
Let me explain: My mom's family was large - 10 kids. One of those big 'ol familes from the 1940's...her mom started having kids at 18 and didn't stop 'till she was 40. My mom was near the middle, she's got neices and nephews that are older than her, isn't that weird? She went to high school with a neice of hers, they used to go to parties together...LOL...
Anyway, she had three sisters (plus her) who were particularly close - M, C, and G. My mother was D, by the way. Not that the rest of the family wasn't close but M, C, G tended to stick together, and sort of looked after my mom, as she was the divorced sister who's husband left her with 3 kids, etc.etc. There were 2 other sisters and 4 brothers
G and my mother are passed on now, but M and C are still "The Aunts" to my brother, sister and me - we usually refer to them that way, like a block. So when my brother called me and said, "The Aunts want to know why you aren't coming to Thanksgiving, I said you were going to Florida, they assumed Disney and asked if EL was going, I said I didn't know but you're going to have to explain sooner or later..." I figured it was time to start telling them.
Up to now, only my Dad, brother and sister in the family really know. But it's true, I need to start telling people, and if this divorce happens (as seems most likely) then I'll be wanting The Aunts to sort of take a stronger mother-figure (grandmother really I guess) role in The Boy's life.
So I called Aunt M to ask her if she had plans to go out with Aunt C (they usually do dinner at least twice a week or so) and she said tomorrow, so I said we wanted to go along. She knew something was up, she asked what's up with EL, is she going to Florida with me or what, so I said no...she was quiet a sec, said "Something's going on, is she leaving you, are you leaving her?" I said we'd talk tomorrow, didn't want to get into it, but maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought.
That's not really wishful thinking on my part anymore, that was just to make it easier for her to chill until tomorrow night. :)
So, I will tell them what's going on. I am not getting graphic, but I will definitely tell them about the affair. I need to, because otherwise, I'm afraid they'll think it's all my fault. They always tell me how much like my father I am, apparently they actually asked EL if she was really sure she wanted to marry me because I might turn out just like my Dad, that kinda thing. Now, that sounds worse than it is - they look out for me, my brother and my sister because our Mom is gone and all that, so don't think they're nasty or don't like me or anything, but I'm just saying if I don't explain there's an affair and that EL refuses to do counseling or anything, they might just assume (like I did at the beginning of this blog, 2 months ago...) that it's all my fault, I pushed her away, etc.
So I'm not lookin' forward to this, but at the same time, it'll be nice to get some more family support...I hope...
Otherwise, really - nothing happened. Well, I checked in with my Dad to let him know of the change in travel plans, that I'm flying down and renting a 'vert instead of driving down and let them know when I'd be there, etc.
I decided NOT to cash in frequent flier miles after all - I'm only 5000 short of a ticket to Hawaii, so screw it, I'm saving them for that. :) This trip only cost me $260 and the frequent flier miles still would have had a $85 fee so it's worth it I think.
I woke up with a splitting headache that didn't go away until about 4pm. No idea why, unless it was the half gallon of NutraSweet-laden Crystal Light I drank in the hour or so before bed. But that's never affected me before like that. But it sucked, lemme tell you.
Advil didn't touch it, even the Indomethicin I sometimes take for arthritis didn't touch it. After 2 Advil and 1 Indo I couldn't take anything else so I just laid around miserable.
Around 4 it finally cleared up (after a nap) so I showed up and went to pick up The Boy at daycare, brought him home and EL was here - she was supposed to be out on a date (at least she's not lying anymore) but obviously he couldn't get away from his wife.
So, she's informed me she'll be home around 9 tomorrow. She's lucky I've decided not to tell his wife, or I know who I'd be calling.
Instead, I called my aunt to ask if she wanted me and The Boy to take her and my other aunt out to dinner.
Let me explain: My mom's family was large - 10 kids. One of those big 'ol familes from the 1940's...her mom started having kids at 18 and didn't stop 'till she was 40. My mom was near the middle, she's got neices and nephews that are older than her, isn't that weird? She went to high school with a neice of hers, they used to go to parties together...LOL...
Anyway, she had three sisters (plus her) who were particularly close - M, C, and G. My mother was D, by the way. Not that the rest of the family wasn't close but M, C, G tended to stick together, and sort of looked after my mom, as she was the divorced sister who's husband left her with 3 kids, etc.etc. There were 2 other sisters and 4 brothers
G and my mother are passed on now, but M and C are still "The Aunts" to my brother, sister and me - we usually refer to them that way, like a block. So when my brother called me and said, "The Aunts want to know why you aren't coming to Thanksgiving, I said you were going to Florida, they assumed Disney and asked if EL was going, I said I didn't know but you're going to have to explain sooner or later..." I figured it was time to start telling them.
Up to now, only my Dad, brother and sister in the family really know. But it's true, I need to start telling people, and if this divorce happens (as seems most likely) then I'll be wanting The Aunts to sort of take a stronger mother-figure (grandmother really I guess) role in The Boy's life.
So I called Aunt M to ask her if she had plans to go out with Aunt C (they usually do dinner at least twice a week or so) and she said tomorrow, so I said we wanted to go along. She knew something was up, she asked what's up with EL, is she going to Florida with me or what, so I said no...she was quiet a sec, said "Something's going on, is she leaving you, are you leaving her?" I said we'd talk tomorrow, didn't want to get into it, but maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought.
That's not really wishful thinking on my part anymore, that was just to make it easier for her to chill until tomorrow night. :)
So, I will tell them what's going on. I am not getting graphic, but I will definitely tell them about the affair. I need to, because otherwise, I'm afraid they'll think it's all my fault. They always tell me how much like my father I am, apparently they actually asked EL if she was really sure she wanted to marry me because I might turn out just like my Dad, that kinda thing. Now, that sounds worse than it is - they look out for me, my brother and my sister because our Mom is gone and all that, so don't think they're nasty or don't like me or anything, but I'm just saying if I don't explain there's an affair and that EL refuses to do counseling or anything, they might just assume (like I did at the beginning of this blog, 2 months ago...) that it's all my fault, I pushed her away, etc.
So I'm not lookin' forward to this, but at the same time, it'll be nice to get some more family support...I hope...
Otherwise, really - nothing happened. Well, I checked in with my Dad to let him know of the change in travel plans, that I'm flying down and renting a 'vert instead of driving down and let them know when I'd be there, etc.
I decided NOT to cash in frequent flier miles after all - I'm only 5000 short of a ticket to Hawaii, so screw it, I'm saving them for that. :) This trip only cost me $260 and the frequent flier miles still would have had a $85 fee so it's worth it I think.
posted by Fensty at 10:52 PM
7 Comments:
Hi JD:
Right now, I'm hoping two things for you.
One, that spending time with your family and talking to them gives you some much needed support. I really hope you've had someone to lean on outside this blog all these weeks. If not, it's high time you got some. I hope they take good care of you.
Second, I hope that this time away is the knock on the head your wife needs to realize what she's throwing away. When I kicked out my husband, which is what I *thought* I wanted, being apart was such a miserable experience that it woke me up. I am really hoping it's the same for her.
When are you leaving?
-- Barbara
I appreciate it, Barbara.
I'm leaving on Thursday. EL is being nice enough to drive me to the airport.
I mean, I should be nice about that - she IS still being nice and friendly and everything like that, we talk about work and things, she drove me to Sam's Club to return the car battery they sold me that was the wrong one, that kinda thing...it's not like there are civility problems, as long as we avoid talking about "it."
Anyway, I'll be back on December 3rd. But I'll be updating from FL, don't worry...lol. I'm a wireless geek...I work for a wireless company as a tech writer I've got all the toys. :)
And...I appreciate the kind wishes, but, I don't think she's going to go through the same changes you did. I just don't feel it or see it anymore. I think she can't wait for me to be gone.
But, of course, I'm wishing for that to happen anyway.
JD
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Psst...whoever left that comment (I think I know, JL, maybe?) who works with me - you said one of my nicknames in real life. :)
I gotta keep the blog anonymous in case EL tries to Google for it. Though I really don't see how it would ever help anyone in court, nonetheless I don't want her to find it. So I hadda delete that. :)
LOL I see by the IP log it was TT that left that.
Ironic I'd confuse you with JL, isn't it? But she is the one who always messes with people's cubes when they are gone. :) Funny that you'd have ANYTHING in common, isn't it?
I have to agree with Barbara on this. When I was away from my husband, was when I was the most miserable. Maybe it will be a wake up call for her.
Learned.
p.s. I am getting lazy, too much to type out all that Learned the hard way stuff.
Yes, I'm still hopeful that it could change, but far less so than a month ago.
I don't know if she's going to move out or not, but yes, I'll hope something good comes of it. At least if she does:
#1, it will still be hard to have the affair, since she'll be living with her parents most likely (probably the main reason she doesn't want to do that)
#2, she might miss me more, like you're saying, or have more time to realize what she's getting into.
On the flipside, her mother will have far more access to twist her against me, but that'll happen anyway, and there's actually almost as good a chance that will "backfire" in a way and push her back TO me. She really hates her mother trying to tell her what to do even more than when she thinks I'm doing it!
JD
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