All's Well
Well, I'm here in Naples, FL. All is well. I called home, and got the machine, but I choose not to care right now. Maybe she's still at her parent's, whatever...outta my control, a feeling I need to get used to.
Trip was fine. Car is a boring V6 Mustang but at least it's a 'vert and it's nice here. :)
Tomorrow night I'm heading up to Tampa to visit my friend J overnight, he and his wife just had their 2nd baby so that'll be nice, haven't seen the little girl yet...
Hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving. SH and D, play nice in the comments! :)
Trip was fine. Car is a boring V6 Mustang but at least it's a 'vert and it's nice here. :)
Tomorrow night I'm heading up to Tampa to visit my friend J overnight, he and his wife just had their 2nd baby so that'll be nice, haven't seen the little girl yet...
Hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving. SH and D, play nice in the comments! :)
posted by Fensty at 10:57 PM
13 Comments:
Have a good time and blow off some steam. Enjoy the time to yourself.
Learned.
P.s. I wrote you a long comment in Tuesday's Recap. I hope it helps.
Learned.
Mac, I gotta hit the Borders here this week and buy sone of the books you've recommended. So far, I just grabbed "The Idiot's Guide to Divorce" just to get some common sense on what should be in our agreement and things to think about - even though I DON'T want that, I do have to take my lawyer's advice and get an agreement together ASAP for her to sign on to.
And I picked up a cheapie book called "Divorce Busters" (I was in a small Waldenbooks) which has some of the same type of Marriagebuilders.com tips on short-term brief therapy stuff. Primarily, I liked that one from what I saw in the store, the introductory chapters are ones I want EL to read as they talk a lot about how divorce does NOT solve ANY of the problems she thinks it will...
The Border's here is huge and has a hotspot for my WiFi access so I'll be hanging out there a good hour or so a day all week. :)
Thanks for the kind words from the rest of you. I'm enjoying myself so far.
My dad's wife wanted to know if she should invite a coworker out to dinner with us. She's serious, too, trying to fix me up already...LOL. How awkward. :)
JD, believe it or not, I envy you. Florida, eh? It took me more than twice as long as it usually does to drive home from work Wednesday. The expressway was a skating rink. And here I am today, slogging away at work, while you're out on a beach or sleeping in late or who knows what other thing you're treating yourself to. And you *are* treating yourself, I hope? :-) Have a great vacation!
-- Barbara
Okay, listen up, everybody. This is an important post.
If you have been reading my posts here over the last few weeks, you know that I have been going through a similar situation to JD's. We have some additional issues, but the bottom line is: my wife has been having an affair with a single, divorced guy.
Well, we have talked here about flowers, and candy, and cleaning floors and temper tantrums and all of this shit that is truly trivial... (hear me out....)
My wife has never said she didn't love me, and our affection for each other has been a roller coaster ride the past 2-3 weeks.
We actually had sex (vaginal and oral) a couple of times during that period, and it was very nice for both of us.
Yesterday morning, Thanksgiving Day, my wife comes into by room/office, closes the door and says that she has something she wants to tell me. I ask her if it is something that is likely to upset me a lot. She says yes. I brace myself for SOMETHING.
She tells me that her (now ex-)boyfriend has reported to her that he has tested positive for Herpes, that she had unprotected sex with him 2 or 3 times (not to mention BJs, etc.), and that he had known (or at least suspected) that he had herpes before they met, but he didn't want to LOSE her by telling her.
FUCK!!!!!! That selfish, lying son of a bitch! (and I had actually started to feel sorry for him when my wife told me that he learned a couple of days ago that his 24 yr old daughter has Stage 4 uterine cancer and is 5 months pregnant.....I actually had suggested that we invite him for Thanksgiving dinner if he didn't have anywhere else to go) [While I took the news fairly calmly yesterday, I've been thinking more about it, and getting very disturbed.]
So, my wife told me that she went and got a blood test and would know the results today (Friday....but it turns out that the lab is closed until Monday, so we won't know until then). If she tests positive, then I will take the test.
She guesses that she has picked up the virus, because she is pessimistic, but she has no symptoms, and he supposedly had no symptoms when they screwed. *Now* she realizes that THE AFFAIR WASN'T WORTH IT. *Now* she appreciates MY honesty, and understands how she HURT me, and might end up hurting me for the rest of my life.
Well, of course, the sex that she and I had was unprotected because I didn't want to show that I was afraid of her, and I can't STAND rubbers because I'm not too big to begin with, and the thick, fairly unstretched rubbers totally block out any sensation.
Ironically, in early October, when I learned of her affair, I corresponded with a divorced young woman (who actually lives not too far from JD's area) who has two kids, and who is a member of an organization I'm involved with. As the emails got more personal, she had the MORALS to tell me that, because of her behavior earlier in her life, SHE has herpes. She said that she'd rather tell guys up front, rather than traumatize them later on. She says that she never gave it to her husband, even though they were married for several years. But I didn't pursue her, because I didn't even want the POSSIBILITY of bringing a disease home to my wife! Ironic, huh?
Now, I know that Herpes is not the end of the world, and that a LOT of people have it, and there is medicine to sort of control it, and that supposedly the risk is only when lesions are present.......BUT....
FUCK!!!!!!!!! If she tests positive, I actually hope that *I* test positive. If she tests positive, and I am negative (which I probably am).....WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO????
I've gotta run now, but I'll check back in later to hear your comments.
And, JD, you might want to tell EL about this, because it COULD happen to her. All because of a horny, lying bastard.
SH
I posted a long and important message at about 4:30pm ET today, but it doesn't seem to have made it onto the board yet. Any idea why, JD?
SH (at 6:30pm ET)
Okay, sorry, it finally posted...you can remove these two JD.
SH (at 631pm)
I'd like to continue my earlier post by saying...
IF she tests positive and I don't, I am faced with some AWFUL choices.
1. Don't use any protection and hope that I get the virus.
2. Use rubbers which I simply can't stand and which will totally turn me off from sex.
3. Don't use protection and hope that I don't get the virus.
4. Seek revenge against the asshole guy.
5. Divorce my wife, while my health record is still clean, and try to find some STD-free woman. (I am not a very marketable commodity as it is, not having a respectable salary. Women all want money. I can't offer them that.)
6. Have an affair with the woman who already has herpes.
7. Take a long walk on a short pier.
The problem is: if I thought my wife would be satisfied with me for the rest of her life, I could live with the herpes or possible future herpes. But it seems that every couple of years she develops one addiction or another. So, if we overcome the current marital problem (the affair IS over), but she cheats again in a couple of years (or becomes an alcoholic again, or whatever), and I can't stand it anymore, I'm not only out on the street with a low income, but I'm a Herpes carrier as well. Man, the women would just FLOCK to me.
Even though the test isn't back yet, I need advice.
SH
Hey SH
Quite the dilly of the pickle you're in there...
BUT... From what I know of Herpes (which really couldn't fill a whole lot of space)... your odds of catching herpes from unprotected sex when there are no symptoms present isn't huge... of course it's there... but not huge. So... chances are she won't even have it (Cause no offence, but if she saw a big old cold sore on his wang she probably wouldn't have sucked on it, now would she have?) Really, not being a doctor or anything, I'd say to relax... calm down... chances are probably in your favour. Pray, wish, hope or whatever it is you do, make sure you have an outlet to release your stress (I like kayaking myself, if you're looking for an outlet) and just wait out the storm.
Don't make any rash decisions until you know the situation really is... Be careful though, cause I know with HIV and so maybe with Herpes too, sometimes if you've caught something it takes awhile for it to show up on a test... you should probably make sure this isn't the case with herpes before deciding you're in the clear.
Take 'er easy and cross this bridge when you come to it, cause really there's no point in stressing out right now. You'll just give yourself a heart attack, and then it really won't matter if you do have herpes, will it?
And not all chicks are just looking for money!!! I resent that comment.
SW (JD's random emailer)
We shall see when the test results come back.
As for relaxation, you know what (coincidentally) I've been learning? Firearms (pistol) training. It could come in handy. (And I'm a former member of Handgun Control.)
As for women looking for money, a few weeks ago, I checked the Yahoo personals for my area. Not only were there about 6 times as many men as women, but almost all of the women had listed an income range for their potential match, and not one included my income level. The ones that came close were smokers and heavier drinkers.
SH
SH
if you love your wife, don't worry even if she has herpes and you don't. it's a very minor and common ailment. definitely not something that should stand between two people in love.
Incredible. I think I need my own blog.
Moments ago I found out that my wife's first sex with the jerk was unprotected (back in August) and that he told her after THAT encounter...back in August or early Sept....that he had herpes. He did NOT get tested RECENTLY. She lied to me yesterday.
He supposedly got it from a woman he met at a bar 9 years ago. So he had this for nine years--claiming to be symptom-free lately--had two other partners who supposedly never contracted it--but didn't have the guts to tell my wife.
Not only did my wife continue to see him (supposedly using rubbers), but she didn't tell ME until YESTERDAY, *after* we had unprotected sex several times. INCREDIBLE. ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.
(and JD thinks HE has problems!)
SH
Wow...
us girls can really get a guy wrapped around our fingers...
SH, why do you put up with it? Not that I think marriage should be taken lightly, but that sounds like repudiation if I've ever heard it... Seriously, that's absolutely horrible. How can you even think she loves you if she'd do that to you? Is she okay mentally? Seriously... run away in fear... no, herpes isn't the end of the world but MY GOD! What is this world coming to?
SW
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