Sure has been quiet around here...

Been awhile, eh?

I wonder, any of the old "regular readers" still out there? I sometimes wonder what's happening in your lives...we heard a lot about each other. SH, Mac, Barbara, NZ, "D", etc...I know, I have some of your Email addresses, but, never write or anything.


So....it'd be lame to say, "Not much is going on, not much to write about." A life is by nature full of events. I just don't have the urge anymore to run and blog all the shit that happens.

The divorce shit, has subsided. Life goes on. Funny how I knew someday I'd be saying that even as I also "knew" I'd never really believe it. Turns out "they" were right - it gets better, and I'm happier and better off.


Still not a lot of resolution - divorce still not final, property agreement still a hassle, but not because of any drama or fighting over anything, just, lawyers trying to earn their fees or something...dragging it out, quibbling over details, demanding re-writes.... Sara, 'fess up, you guys do that on purpose don't ya? :)


But...work is better lately. I'm on top of things again. Still not perfect, but my output is nearly normal, I'm on top of my project, and I'm able to feel that, even though I can't see it like when I was training a class of 30 people...there are 3000 people (and the 150,000 customers a day they speak to) who learned everything they know about their job from my curriculum. I had a hard time adjusting to not being able to see the results of my work, but there is enough empirical proof now that what I've done over the last few months has made a positive difference. "Quality" is up, "Call Time" is down. "Customer Satisfaction" of the reps who work what I write is way up. So that helps.

Family life is good...The Boy is doing really well, still haven't gotten that potty training thing down but otherwise, this kid is amazing. All parents say this, I know, but really - he's a genius. More articulate than the 3 and 4 year olds he plays with at the playground. Knows the difference between a P51 Mustang and a P47 Thunderbolt just by looking. :) Can tell you the names of about 20 parts of a steam locomotive? Knows the difference between an African and a European swallow? Can sing most of the song, "Nighttrain" by Guns'n'Roses without prompting?

Every night, I tell him a bedtime story, and he tells me one. Often his stories bear a suspicious resemblance to the events of the day ("Once upon a time, Daddy and The Boy went to Wal-Mart to buy crackers. They drove the Red Race Car. There was a dog in the park. The end.") but still, he works in some imagination now and then, like when we rode an airship to his pappy's house to catch rabbits...

So yeah, The Boy is great. I'm good. RHA is still my girlfriend, 6 months now. Are we past the "rebound" stage yet? Does it qualify as real love now and not "just the first person you dated seriously since you seperated"? I hope so, 'cuz, it sure doesn't show any signs of stopping...just gets better and better.

Medication seems to be on the level now, by the way - to recap:

20 mg Prozac - didn't seem to notice.
30 mg Prozac - might've been helping, not sure.
40 mg Prozac - seemed like things were OK, but, weird side effects creeping in.
150 mg Wellbutrin - had high hopes, but, didn't notice anything good, and definitely realized Prozac had been helping more than I knew, 'cuz stuff started to pile up again.
300 mg Wellbutrin - definitely a lot worse. Felt wired, bitchy, closest I've ever come to wanting to "break shit" again. Never did, by the way - but a few times, felt like having a shouting outburst or throwing a wrench. Counted to 10 instead.
Nothing - for 5 weeks, I "dried out" to see what would happen. Result - back to the same 'ol blah-depression of the last few years. Nothing like the anxiety, pain, etc. of the October-November, but just the plain 'ol "fuck it" mentality that helped get me into the divorce in the frist place. Bills piled up, house got messy, work got shitty.
(Last few blog entries were from that time....)
50 mg Zoloft - things started easing up again, slowly got a handle on stuff.
100 mh Zoloft - present day. Been on this now for about a week and a half, so not sure yet how it might improve over the 50, but, feel about the same as the Prozac. Slight odd side effects - the ones that RHA doesn't complain about, again. Could be worse!


Health-wise...not losing weight anymore, still sitting at the "lost 60lbs" mark. That sounds great - and yeah, I guess it is - but I really do have at least 30-40 more to lose...and not to hit my "ideal" weight, either, but to hit a weight I feel should be right for me but is still about 15 lbs over the "ideal" weight I get by the various charts, etc. But...not gaining any either, still eating better than I was, but not as good I as did for awhile there. Bad habits and bad foods crept back in, and portions sizes are up. But still, no fast food (pizza, chinese, and turkey subs with no cheese or mayo don't count!!) since October, so, yeah, better.


So...yeah. All in all, things're good. Sorry I don't blog it much anymore. I keep saying, "Yeah, I gotta start doing that again..." and maybe I will this time. Now that everything else is sorta coming together again I may give it a try. I did enjoy being able to SEE my progress through things via the blog, and I'm a little bit bummed I left a 4 month "hole" here now where I can't really see any changes.

If I'd been blogging all along, might have helped figure out the medication issues better, sooner, if nothing else.


So, there you go. An update. Check in, if you're an old "regular" commentor, let the rest of us know how you're doin'.

JD the BH