Yeah, right...
If I'd not been so surprised by the comment, I would have been MUCH crueler about it. Maybe that's just as well.
But anyway - so The Skank calls me yesterday, on some pretense or other, I think something like asking how our son was doing - even tho he was spending his first night with me in like 4 days, I might add - and in the middle of the conversation apropros of nothing says, "So, were you still interested in marriage counseling?"
My reply was a stunned, "What....are you kidding?"
Skank: "No."
Me: "No, sorry, that's over."
Skank: "Oh, good."
And that was it.
WTF? You have to be kidding. I guess it's another sign she's realized how badly she fucked up, but I can't possibly consider it now. The train has left the station. After what I have seen her do, what I know about her, and how she is.....I could never even consider TRYING again.
Once again, I congratulate myself on spying on her. Sorry I know that annoys some people, but again, had I not known what I know - I'd probably have jumped at it. Thrown away any mental progress I've made, my developing relationship with RHA, my self-esteem, and tried to "reconcile" and never known even one tenth of what a terrible, duplitious, dirty, downright crazy and truly slutty whore The Skank really was. Ewww.
You MIGHT say, "But wouldn't you and The Boy have been better off not knowing, if it meant you could reconcile and have a nice life together, getting past all this and living better because of it?"
Yeah. You might say that. And you might think it's a good idea for a person to go through life deluded as to what kind of a person they are really attached to. No thanks. I know what I know and I'm happy.
So anyway - yeah. If I'd known that was coming, I think I might have been a bit crueler about it. Something more like, "Oh, now that you've been thrown away by your one night stands, and you realize how pathetic your life will be from here on out, and see you made a mistake in crushing my emotions, self-esteem and telling me I was a horrible abuser and violent maniac - NOW that you decide it's in your best interests to stay with me, you want me to forgive and forget and let you back into my life so you can do it all again someday? And maybe give me chlamydia or HPV or something worse in the bargain? No thanks....good luck with the married guy and the one-night stands you meet on the Internet, and when you look at yourself in the mirror, remember that 6 months ago I was willing to put up with being the cuckold for the sake of saving our family, but YOU were saying things like, "Anything that makes me this happy, can't be wrong." Sorry. "
Yeah, something like that. Or maybe not. All in all I guess i'm happier with myself I handled it with more class, even though it was out of surprise. For the best I suppose.
But anyway - so The Skank calls me yesterday, on some pretense or other, I think something like asking how our son was doing - even tho he was spending his first night with me in like 4 days, I might add - and in the middle of the conversation apropros of nothing says, "So, were you still interested in marriage counseling?"
My reply was a stunned, "What....are you kidding?"
Skank: "No."
Me: "No, sorry, that's over."
Skank: "Oh, good."
And that was it.
WTF? You have to be kidding. I guess it's another sign she's realized how badly she fucked up, but I can't possibly consider it now. The train has left the station. After what I have seen her do, what I know about her, and how she is.....I could never even consider TRYING again.
Once again, I congratulate myself on spying on her. Sorry I know that annoys some people, but again, had I not known what I know - I'd probably have jumped at it. Thrown away any mental progress I've made, my developing relationship with RHA, my self-esteem, and tried to "reconcile" and never known even one tenth of what a terrible, duplitious, dirty, downright crazy and truly slutty whore The Skank really was. Ewww.
You MIGHT say, "But wouldn't you and The Boy have been better off not knowing, if it meant you could reconcile and have a nice life together, getting past all this and living better because of it?"
Yeah. You might say that. And you might think it's a good idea for a person to go through life deluded as to what kind of a person they are really attached to. No thanks. I know what I know and I'm happy.
So anyway - yeah. If I'd known that was coming, I think I might have been a bit crueler about it. Something more like, "Oh, now that you've been thrown away by your one night stands, and you realize how pathetic your life will be from here on out, and see you made a mistake in crushing my emotions, self-esteem and telling me I was a horrible abuser and violent maniac - NOW that you decide it's in your best interests to stay with me, you want me to forgive and forget and let you back into my life so you can do it all again someday? And maybe give me chlamydia or HPV or something worse in the bargain? No thanks....good luck with the married guy and the one-night stands you meet on the Internet, and when you look at yourself in the mirror, remember that 6 months ago I was willing to put up with being the cuckold for the sake of saving our family, but YOU were saying things like, "Anything that makes me this happy, can't be wrong." Sorry. "
Yeah, something like that. Or maybe not. All in all I guess i'm happier with myself I handled it with more class, even though it was out of surprise. For the best I suppose.
posted by Fensty at 10:14 AM
4 Comments:
I don't think there's anything wrong with your spying. If something hadn't been going on your radar wouldn't have went off.
And it's good that you handled her comment without being snippy. It will just give her more food for thought as to what a moron she's been.
It's funny JD... I'm really glad that you can be in the place you are now. And yes, spying probably did put you in that place.... I guess I just am one of those naive kids that wishes there was a way...
You say that EL's "Anything that feels this right can be wrong" attitude was wrong... but really, don't you have the same attitude by saying "Anything that makes me feel better about the situation can't be wrong?"
I guess I'm just not machiavellian to think that the ends justify the means at any cost, but I am glad to hear you are where you are with your life. It sounds like a good place.
Woo. OK, gotta admit, you kinda did get me on that one, Sara!!
Easy to be biased in this case, I guess. But yes, I suppose it's pretty simliar. In fact, anything i can think of to say seems like (and probably is) just rationaliation so you know, I'm not gonna, I'll just say, "Hmm...food for thought, and, you have a good point that's probably true if I were a dispassionate observer."
:)
Just wait until one day when the Boy is pointing out stuff like that to you.... makes my dad pretty upset that I've grown up to be able to be a rational dispassionate observer of him. I have to admit though, it's hard to be one of yourself.
I guess I just like to hope there's always a positive way to accomplish your ends, that doesn't involve lying, cheating, stealing, spying, backstabbing, or just general "bad" behaviour... but using your situation as an example, although I still maintain that spying is "bad"... I can't think of a way to positively deal... which means I can say "Don't spy!" til I'm blue in the face, but I'm not offering any positive alternative to replace the "bad" with... Therefore, not a solution at all.
Post a Comment
<< Home