Holy Effing Shit...anyone else read Salon?

So...should come as no surprise, being I'm a bleedin' heart liberal...that I'm a big fan of Salon online magazine.

www.salon.com

If you've never read it before - you DO have to click thru a little "commercial" first, if you don't wish to subscribe. Which I admit I don't - I watch the commercial every day, so, I'm paying my way.

Anyway, awhile back, I figured "what the hey..." and sent the "Question of the Blog" to their advice columnist guy. Never heard back, figured, he wasn't interested in answering it. I was under the assumption I'd get a call or something to confirm I'm "real" y'know? Like with a letter to the editor, etc.

Nope. Showed up there today. And I almost didn't read it today, busy at work...

http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2005/02/15/wife_affair/index.html

I'd post his reply here, but technically, that's probably illegal. And it's a cool online magazine, so, go watch the little commercial and read a few other articles while you're there.


When you are done reading it, take a look at the "Table Talk Forum" - there are dozens of comments there that I just don't have time to read all of, and I will eventually post some of my own.

Update: I just realized, I have to subscribe to Salon to post in Table Talk. Hmm. :) Dilemma. I really don't feel like it. I guess unless some really compelling comments come up I feel the urge to respond to, I won't bother.

All I ask of any readers here is, if you choose to sound off in Table Talk, don't reveal this blog there. I'm not sure I really want that much notoriety coming down on my little blog. :)

They start at post #8348 in Table Talk.


Anyway, surprisingly, my question was printed almost word for word (and you all know how wordy I am!) aside from chopping the last paragraph, I can't spot any paraphrasing... Here's what I sent back on 1/20/05, was still in my sent items...



Howdy, Salon Advice/Cary Tennis:

"Longtime reader, first time writer."

So, long story short? My wife is having an affair with a married man. We've been married 4 years, together 9. He's been married about 11 months, I've no idea of any history of his beyond that. My wife and I are getting a divorce, though I was willing to (attempt to, at least) forgive and forget in the interests of our child, our history and our marriage and try the counseling and support route, she has decided she has no interest. She maintains the affair has nothing at all to do with the divorce, that the marriage was broken for 2 years and this is just a recent development. I maintain that that may all be true, but if she wasn't in the fantasy of an affair, she might make a more rational evaluation of the choices we have - divorce, counseling, therapy, etc.

But, that's not the advice I seek. I struggle with whether or not to tell the married man's wife.

Friends and others are split about 80/20 on this. Most say some version of, "She has a right to know, and I'd want to know." Both of which I agree with, but, that's not my decision to make.

The other 20% say it's none of my business, she'll figure it out on her own, and what if she goes crazy and harms herself, her husband, my wife? I think I could be a help to this woman in a legal sense for certain, as I have ample legally admissible and incontrovertible proof of the affair. I worry she may get pregnant thinking she's in a perfect marriage.

Of course I'm also aware I can't be objective enough about my motives - my own satisfaction in ending my wife's affair, "punishing" him, exposing the affair to everyone who thinks somehow the divorce must be my fault, and so on.

I've got an "anonymous" blog online and this topic has been pretty biggest comment-generator since inception. I get loads of conflicting advice, testimonials, and other input from both sides…I have a professional therapist who is generally against the idea of telling the lover's wife, but can't really articulate why, other than 'it's not your place.'

So - thoughts?

Please let me remain anonymous, of course, though I understand you'd want to know this is a real situation from a real person, so I'll send from my "professional" address...


(LOL. I just noticed, he DID correct my typo above where I wrote, "has been pretty biggest comment-generator...')