Updates Later, Mayhap...
Hi all. Well busy 3 days ahead of me, much like the rest of you I'm sure. So expect few updates.
But there is some interesting stuff, nothing that really affects anything, but is very revealing nonetheless.
Simply? I decided to do something nasty, spiteful, and completely invade her privacy in ways she didn't expect. As usual, I'm not proud of it, but DAMN has it given me peace of mind I would NEVER have had otherwise.
All I had to do was turn on her message archiving. I TOLD her I could do that, I TOLD her how to protect herself, and she didn't. So, fuck her. That seems to be my new motto, isn't it?
I think I'll post a transcript of one of her chats with someone. Highly revealing of the character of the person I've been married to for so long.
Since I can't confront HER with it, I'll at least share it with the blog, and defend myself that way. There are so many weird things in just this one little chat, it's made me realize the woman I've been living with all this time is very damaged, and even she admits it has very little to do with me.
Anyway, that's what's coming. When I get a chance to do that, or any other updates, isn't too clear. Probably this mid-afternoon and then not again 'till Saturday night, if at all.
Merry Christmas and/or Happy Winter Solstice to all, and to all a good weekend!
posted by Fensty at 8:59 AM
10 Comments:
What a teaser!
I could tell she had some serious deep-seated issues worse than yours.
Take it easy. Relax. It sounds like you won't have a hard time finding a better "soul"mate.
Does realizing that she's a whore really make you feel that much better? OK, you're not a bad husband because she's a whore. There do you feel better now? Can you just stop acting like an infantile asshole and let it go?
The fact is that both of you are right. You're probably in many ways a bad husband and she's very likely a whore. Is proving that one of you is right or just really worth it? Get over it. Really.
Separate. She's likely screwing with your head because she's tired of you screwing with hers. The two of you need to just get apart and let it go. You're at a turning point in your life. You can go forward and try to heal yourself and get better or you can be an embittered asshole for the rest of your days. Right now it looks like you're taking the latter path.
Stop logging every ip that comes into your house. Stop being so damn paranoid. You already know she's a whore. All the additional evidence does is make you miserable. Do you really like being miserable? You are showing what a controlling manipulative bastard you really are.
For the love of God, LET IT GO.
Heh.
It DOES make me feel better, actually. That's why I'm doing it again. Everytime I read an Email of her whoring herself to a new guy, I'm that much closer to realizing once and for all I'm better off without.
Actually, if you were going to appeal to my sense of "not being an asshole" it would have been better to hit me on the fact that I'm TELLING THE WORLD about her whorishness on this blog.
That's the only part that, to me, really bothers me. That's the behavior who's motive I question in my own soul. Why do I do that? IS it to prove it to myself?
To the "audience?"
I really don't know. But I really feel the need to do it. I guess it's a defensive move, I want to tell the whole universe what a slut she is, so I can feel good and clean about my now wanting to get this slut out of my life forever.
See, I still have GUILT that my marriage has ended. I still sense failure. I still feel like I failed in the most important part of my life.
So, reading her shit and realizing this person is NOT the woman I married (or who she represented herself to be) makes me feel that much better.
I'm actually not on the path to being an embittered asshole. I was more that way a month ago. Now it really is a cleansing feeling...every tattooist and car stereo installer she tells about her sexual exploits, is one step closer to me letting go of the bitterness and laughing at the situation.
And I want to laugh at it. I need to laugh at it. I need to revel in the fact she's so stupid and immature that she's signing her house away just to "be free of JD" and not realizing how fucking stupid THAT is.
Stay stupid, EL. Stay stupid for another 30 days is all I ask....
JD the BH, but B is for Bad, not Bitter.
(Remember - I never denied I was a bad husband. Not bad enough to deserve the way she's acting, though. That's the breakthrough I have made.)
Hey, JD.
You ought to ignore comments made by anyone who would use the term "For the love of God". If his/her "God" had any love (and any power) that "God" would not allow a family with a young child to be ripped apart.
As for some of those emails, I, too, do wonder if she is planting (even making up) emails just to piss you off. It sounds like she has a really sadistic streak in her. She needs mental help--but not from one of those female "women's issues" specialists who would like to castrate every male on the planet.
As for your creation of this blog, I have to say that it helped me (and perhaps, in a way, my cheating wife) when we needed it most. Just knowing that someone out there (actually a LOT of someones, judging by the other posters here) are going through the same shit.
The Internet has changed the world for the better. No longer must we go through life feeling all "alone" about our life issues.
Take it easy,
SH
BTW, my herpes tests came back negative, but that's not a guarantee. We'll both need to be retested in a few months. Be glad you don't have THAT issue to deal with!
JD -- To an extent I need to agree with the anonymous poster. (Not to the extent where I think you're an asshole... I fully understand the need to know)
JD... really... maybe if it does feel better you need to look deeper within yourself...
Yay, she's a whore. Whether she whores herself out to every tattoo artist on the planet or just one coworker... or a busload of football playing assholes. Does it really matter? You know she's a whore.
You were a bad husband. Maybe you drove her to this, maybe she was a whore all along and you never noticed, maybe she's "changed", who the hell knows. Focus on yourself, JD. You had issues, you've recognized those issues and you're trying to better yourself as a person, as a father, and as a future husband/soulmate for some other woman in the future. Dwelling on the past is just going to make you bitter. Focus on your growth, your future, things that make you happy.
Cause sit back and think about it... when you read about her being a whore, does that make you smile? Do you feel the same way you felt when your son tells you he loves you? Do you feel the same way that you feel when you accomplish some great feat? If you do, then you need to build your self esteem... but I'm assuming you don't feel that way. Relieved a little, maybe.
JD, you're a good guy who's trying desperately to do everything that's right and good for you and for your family.... and maybe it makes you feel good that, in comparaison, she's out sucking cock for good times.... but try really hard and maybe you can feel good about the great things that you're doing rather than the shitty things she's doing. You may look really good when compared to her, but you don't need to compare yourself to trash to lift yourself higher.
You're doing good all on your own.
Those were some words of wisdom, actually.
Mainly the last sentence - true, I don't need to compare myself to garbage to feel better, do I?
Very true.
I still maintain it makes me feel better, because it's a lot easier to let go after reading crap like that, though....easier to remember that I don't EVER want to go back, for those moments of doubt I have...you know?
But still a good point!
Quick response dude.
Accidently made myself anonymous, but it was me.
JD... I gotta agree with Sara on this. I think you're taking it a bit to far. You said:
I still maintain it makes me feel better, because it's a lot easier to let go after reading crap like that, though....easier to remember that I don't EVER want to go back, for those moments of doubt I have...you know?
OK... but remember... doing the things SHE did made your wife feel better, too. The standard of "if it feels good, do it," can have some pretty awful consequences.
-- Barbara
Ouch! Touche'
Hoisted on my own petard, I am! I've criticized her for that exact thing, haven't I? "Anything that makes me feel this happy, can't be wrong" is one of the stupid things she's said that I've really been a dick to her about.
And, you're right, I'm saying the same thing aren't I?
Damn. I'm not so holier than thou (her) then. Maybe I AM a bit of a controlling jerk after all.
Makes me feel REALLY bad about something else I did that I've gotta blog about yet. Looked in her car again for the first time in awhile and pulled a really sneaky-ass move. But again that one also has some legal reasons behind it.
You'll all just have to wonder in suspense what that was 'till I get a chance to blog it. :)
I don't understand this ... my X2B was snooping through my things for the greater part of the year. And there was really nothing to find. He only snooped because he WANTED to find a reason to blame the end of the marriage on me. Somehow, he seemed to think that he felt more guilty than I did about it all. I never snooped through any of his things. And the things he found he misinterpreted. A phone number from a business contact at my last convention which he didn't call, but looked upon the internet. A vibrator I packed for a business trip he had a HUGE problem with (although I would think he'd consider it a good sign). He was critical of all the clothes I wore when I went away although they were the same clothes I wore at home. He would go through my purse while I was sitting there. How can a woman not feel violated at this? And how can you blame me for not telling him my email passwords so he could rape me that way too?
I just totally fail to see how this is justified. Totally.
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