Monday at Naples
LOL. I'm not really having any success at "letting go" of anything so far. All I'm thinking about right now is that bastard in our house. I'm so sure they are going to both take sick days and shack up in my (and hers, yeah) f'ing house all day.
So as you can see I'm still uptight. The weekend at J's was a lot of fun though, I did successfully forget about my troubles for a good bit of that time - and no, not just because of the rum. :)
In about 15 minutes I'm heading out of here to go explore the area with the top down. It's pretty windy so I don't know what the beach is going to be like though I will probably go sit on it anyway, even if just to enjoy the ambiance a bit.
I forgot to blog this until now, but she made a big production out of finding a set of keys that worked for the house before I left. That may sound strange, but we usually just leave the front door locked, and come in and out through the garage, with the electric door openers, etc. So keys aren't actually used on a daily basis in our house. I have the feeling she actually wanted to be able to lock the doors in case someone would "drop by" (like her mom or dad) if she had the guy over. I know, LET GO. But it seemed wierd anyway. She said it was just because she'd be home alone and wanted to be able to lock up tight, but she can do that easily while IN the house, eh? I guess it's logical though if she goes out she wants to lock it up tighter than usual. I don't know, it's trying to figure stuff like this out that just makes it worse for me. My resolution to stop trying to do that hasn't been too successful. For example, I KNOW I will not be able to stop myself looking around the house and trying to figure out if she had him over, count the birth control, etc. I'll try not to, but I know I will.
OK, why did I do that, one paragraph about her, one about going to the beach, then another about her and the house. I'm still nuts, obviously.
Not really much else to write about though. Dad gave me a tourist map of Naples with some good spots marked out so I'll be doing a drive around today, like I said - but also try to walk in the sun and get some exercise.
Other than the breezyness that'll make the beach a bit of a pain today, it's really nice - mid 80's and low humidity, rare for Florida. Sorry to rub it in for those of you in other parts of the wintery USA right now. :)
So as you can see I'm still uptight. The weekend at J's was a lot of fun though, I did successfully forget about my troubles for a good bit of that time - and no, not just because of the rum. :)
In about 15 minutes I'm heading out of here to go explore the area with the top down. It's pretty windy so I don't know what the beach is going to be like though I will probably go sit on it anyway, even if just to enjoy the ambiance a bit.
I forgot to blog this until now, but she made a big production out of finding a set of keys that worked for the house before I left. That may sound strange, but we usually just leave the front door locked, and come in and out through the garage, with the electric door openers, etc. So keys aren't actually used on a daily basis in our house. I have the feeling she actually wanted to be able to lock the doors in case someone would "drop by" (like her mom or dad) if she had the guy over. I know, LET GO. But it seemed wierd anyway. She said it was just because she'd be home alone and wanted to be able to lock up tight, but she can do that easily while IN the house, eh? I guess it's logical though if she goes out she wants to lock it up tighter than usual. I don't know, it's trying to figure stuff like this out that just makes it worse for me. My resolution to stop trying to do that hasn't been too successful. For example, I KNOW I will not be able to stop myself looking around the house and trying to figure out if she had him over, count the birth control, etc. I'll try not to, but I know I will.
OK, why did I do that, one paragraph about her, one about going to the beach, then another about her and the house. I'm still nuts, obviously.
Not really much else to write about though. Dad gave me a tourist map of Naples with some good spots marked out so I'll be doing a drive around today, like I said - but also try to walk in the sun and get some exercise.
Other than the breezyness that'll make the beach a bit of a pain today, it's really nice - mid 80's and low humidity, rare for Florida. Sorry to rub it in for those of you in other parts of the wintery USA right now. :)
posted by Fensty at 11:41 AM
8 Comments:
You ever think she might be making a copy of the keys for the other guy?
Not to make you more paranoid, but that was my first thought.
You've got a great story going here, which is why I'm so addicted to it! Not that great for you, of course, but it's great for the readers.
Ever think about seeing if you might be able to hook up with someone while you're vacationing? Might help ease some of the pain and burden and certainly make the prospect of moving on less daunting.
Just an idea.
D.
Gee, thanks, no, that one hadn't occurred to me. :)
Hmm. Can't imagine why, though. In fact if she did something that stupid, that has got to be good for me in court - that she'd give her BOYFRIEND she's known for 6 weeks keys to OUR house?
I can't believe she'd be that dumb, or what purpose it would serve, unless they want to play out sick little rape fantasies or something, where he comes in her locked house...who knows, from the emails I've read of theirs, I wouldn't put it past them.
And the concept of "hooking up" with someone this week did occur to me, I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but I disregard that for the following reasons:
It's not really going to help me to confuse myself with a tawdry sex affair.
It's really not "who I am" at any time, especially now.
It's certainly impractical - I'm not even here on the weekend, lol.
If I did and somehow she found out, I'd be just as guilty of an affair, legally speaking, as silly as that is. And someday I might get bitter and pissed off enough to tell her, which would be bad.
And if our marriage DOES work, I don't want to have done that, for some selfish reasons as well as moral ones.
So, there. Don't think I haven't considered it, surely, but it's just not "me" right now.
JD, you have every right in the world to still be "uptight." Though, if I were you, I might call it "pissed off." And you're not nuts, but you knew that already, anyway.
Digger, your comment really annoyed me. This is not a "great story." It's living hell. It's a real person trying to hold his world together. It's a sad thought that some people would see it as some form of entertainment. And the casual reference to "hook up" annoys me, too. But I suppose it would make for an entertaining read.
-- Barbara
That's not nuts, (i.e.) thinking about what is going on in your house... You're going through a really tough time. Glad you've been able to enjoy sometime away. You've needed it.
Personally, I wouldn't advise hooking up with anyone in terms of a relationship for a while. A quick fling perhaps, but not much else, it's never a good idea to try and date someone while thinking about someone else. (This is in response to the previous comment about hooking up on your vacation.) I know you've heard this plenty, but this is a time in which you need to work on who you are. You've spent so much focus on the "we" that you've lost the "I." That's why you keep thinking about what she's doing and who, for that matter. Find your self a means of expressions, and a vent for your anger. I hate to prescribe a movie, but maybe you should watch Fight Club, it's a prime example of finding what you need to find. Don't forget, anger and passion are very volitile, bottleing up either one is very hazzardous.
"It's only when you've lost everything that you are free to do anything." -- Tyler Durden
FWIW, Barbara and Digger, I didn't take offense at Digger's comments.
I can see how they might've been meant to hurt, but I don't get that vibe from you Digger and never did. I assume you meant it as it's entertaining in the way I tell the story, not that the story itself is entertaining, which I don't mind.
Just because I'm writing about my living hell, doesn't mean I want READING it to be a living hell for the rest of you. :)
JD
It's a great story about pluck and determination. Courage, boldness, along with various human flaws. The fact that it's true makes it even more compelling. That's one reason why I'm addicted to it!
I'm all too aware of the tragedy of it. I'm not more than one affair away from the same exact thing. And some of the things EL said in the above post, MY wife has said in so many words.
I identify with the flaws of both individuals as well as the conflict's affects on the young boy.
It's not a story of fiction, it is a story of fact, like those TV news shows or a good documentary. Good people going through some very bad circumstances. And eventually finding triumph of some sort. I'm the sort that can find inspiration in such stories. Other folks can only see the sadness and tragedy. I see beyond that, and see the resiliance and power of the human spirit to weather life's storms.
Fogrive me for enjoying such things. Forgive me, Barbara, for finding inspiration here. No matter the outcome, this is JD's story and he's entitled to be the hero of his own life. To fight the good fight.
D.
That's about how I took it Digger, so no problems. Barbara probably just didn't get your drift on it at first, so let's all shake hands and remain friends. :)
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