Saturday morning.

ARGH...freakin' Blogspot. Been a bitch lately. Up and down a lot, and just now, I had a whole post typed up and it gave me a server error.

Note to self: Copy and paste text into a Word document before publishing.

Note to self II: Figure out how to post via FTP, obviously much better if I just do that. Haven't really explored all the Blogspot options at all yet, I just fired it up and started typing back 2 weeks ago and haven't stopped since...


Anyway:

So...keep last night's posting in perspective, please. I have not "changed" into an angry jilted husband overnight or anything. I'm the same as I was. I just felt that you all needed to see there are other sides of me, the angry part that's preparing for the worst, just because that's the smart thing to do; and the side who's trying like hell around the house to be the good husband and father I should have been the last 2 years, in hopes she will wait and see.

But...a quick recap of last night's actual activities - it was "Trick or Treat" night here last night. The Boy had his first experience - he's been pushed around the Magic Kingdom in DisneyWorld in a stroller on Trick-or-Treat night there before (twice in fact) but this was his first time in the neighborhood.

He did fantastic. We did about 10 houses maybe. After 2 or 3 he had it down...the "trick or treat" the holding the bag, the saying "Thank you." The Boy has great manners, always has, we've done a good job with that I think.

Don't get me wrong, we're not weird Puritan strict parents or anything, far from it, but I do like the basics - please, thank you, you're welcome, excuse me, etc.

The one sour spot of the evening revolved around that, though. You tell me, AM I a fusspot?

As we left the house, we decided to go to the neighbor's first. Logical, right? So EL and The Boy start marching across our side lawn, onto his side lawn towards his front door. I say, "EL...um...let's not walk on his lawn, let's go down to the street and use the walkway...ok?"

She looks at me like I'm a two-headed alien from Planet Fussy. (well, it was dark, but I know the look, and I heard the tone...)

"Those kids over there just walked on our lawn..."

OK. I bit my tounge. You know what I wanted to say, of course, "Um...they're 8 year old kids. We're adults with a kid of our own." Does "Those kids did it..." really sound like something a Mom would say?!

But...no. All I said was, "Please...it's just good manners, for The Boy, OK?" She agreed, but with that pissy sigh and a tone that said, "This is why I hate you..."

I know she hates when I try to be right and try to make her out to be wrong. But neither could I just back down completely...it IS wrong to walk all over people's lawns when you're an adult and own your own house, and know what it's like. Sure, people expect it on Halloween, but shouldn't you make the effort not to, at least?

All I said was, "Thanks, honey...I am just trying to be the Good Manners Daddy for The Boy..." But I think it did irk her anyway.

I can't win. But I can't change EVERYTHING about who I am, that's not honest...

Well, anyway, hopefully that wasn't the big deal it seemed.

I also noticed she took off her wedding ring and engagement ring and put them in a jar in the kitchen. I think that was just to carve the pumpkin, I'm not concerned...but I admit, I'll be waiting to see if she puts them back on?

If she doesn't, should I say something?

The other thing today, was she left early this morning to go to a grand opening of a new store. She sells supplies to a particular type of store, and this was a store of that type. She took a big bagel basket, that kinda thing. So, it's believable, but nonetheless I had to wonder...was she alone, or was this other guy going? You know, like "Hi, I'm EL, your inside sales rep - and this is The Other Guy, he's an outside sales rep if you ever need to talk to one."

I dunno...I'm probably being overly paranoid.

UPDATE: She came home while I was in the middle of this, and actually, from how she was talking and stuff, it's pretty sure she wasn't. She was quite excited about meeting the owner of the franchise chain, talked a lot about making new contacts, talked a lot about the new store. We had a nice conversation about how she went to lunch with her boss and they want to expand her role, etc. It was actually a nice moment or two. I do think she might've seen the guy at the office when she went in to pick up some forms at 8am, but it's pretty obvious he wasn't with her after that. And maybe not even at the office, I dunno. It's so hard to tell anymore. But now I'm trying to remember - I don't want to be OVERLY paranoid.



So we're going to the circus today, a nice family thing...I hope we can have a great time and not get into anything we shouldn't. My therapist felt it was a good sign that she would still be doing family stuff. I really hope it is.

That'll do for this morning. Hope this post saves!