It's Tuesday already?
So, what's new here? Lots.
The Boy had a good Christmas. Since there'd been much procrastinating and arguing over the tree, it turns out Santa Claus brought him his tree, AND the presents underneath it! Neat!
EL finally admitted - her plan all along had been to take his presents from Santa over to her mother's to open there. That is an example of the weird relationship they have, and her mother tries to have with my son. I'm glad I put my foot down on that one. She seemed honestly confused as to why I'd have a problem with that. "You could have given him the presents from you here." The presents from me, not Santa, were two books with some inscriptions I'd written in. Everything else he got was "To: The Boy. From: Santa."
I didn't get upset, I just told her it wasn't going down like that. So we did the Santa presents at our house under our tree, and she took him to her mothers that afternoon. Originally I had been planning to go, but her mother called that morning while EL was in the shower, and in the space of one sentence, made it pretty clear who was invited and who wasn't. Something like, "Is EL coming over with The Boy? She's in the shower? Well, when EL gets out, have EL call and tell us what time she's bringing The Boy over."
We then went to my aunt's that evening (mom's side) and then my other aunt's (dad's side) on Sunday. All in all a good weekend. EL and I did get along for the most part.
So, there were some good comments on my last entry about me spying on EL again. The key point was definitely - hey, aren't YOU the guy who bitches about EL's amazingly ignorant comment, "Anything that makes me this happy, can't be wrong?" Ooops...busted. Indeed, that was something I didn't see for myself - me saying "my spying makes me feel better as it reveals what a terrible person she is" really isn't a lot different. I see that, and so, I deserve
I'm not resolving to stop, though. Because, I'm tired of making a promise I find it too hard to keep. She makes it too easy, and it really DOES make my mental state better. Some people have asked me, doesn't it just pain you to read that stuff? Not anymore. That's one of the fundamental shifts in my emotions over the course of this blog - it USED to be painful. Now it's just sad and even contemptable. But, yes, I guess it is still wrong, no matter how I rationalize it. So call me a hypocrite on this one, I deserve it. I see I've sunk to her level in this area. Like a junkie, I keep saying "once more and I'll stop." (read on, about the camera, for example...)
So having said that, I'll wallow in it a bit longer - I had been going through this long chat log to the car stereo installer and making comments on it, but that began to seem rather pathetic and contemptable itself after about 15 minutes, and completely obsessive and weird after another 15. So I dropped that idea.
Suffice to say - she claims to this guy lots of really weird things. She makes fun of HIS ex when he explains he broke up with his ex after catching her cheating on him. She makes comments like, "I wouldn't be a one night stand for you would I? I can't have just meaningless sex." Previous to that of course she was talking about her desire for a threesome, and how the 3rd partner really couldn't be a friend due to the jealousy issues it might cause with her boyfriend. But then still LATER in the chat she says she's, "not with anyone right now."
She brags that she was hired at her job as "eye candy." What woman wouldn't be proud of that, eh? Of course she also brags how she was hired over the phone on the first phone interview. You figure that one out, I can't.
She also brags that she has to be able to "drink like a man because of my job, I've got to be able to go to bars and really put them away, not look like a lightweight." This from the daughter of two recovering alchoholics.
Lots of other stupid things, but everytime he asks her why she got divorced, she changes the subject. Highly amusing, I'm serious.
OK but there's more action on the "Bad Snooping Husband" front. I guess this is pretty over the top, but my motivation is mainly for legal purposes and also a desire to set straight her lies when the time comes.
Basically - I hadn't really been looking in her car anymore either. Just didn't seem to matter anymore. But last Friday I was looking for the baby bag, asked her where it was, she said her car. I asked if it was locked and could I go get it, she said yes. OK, well, sitting between the front seats was a disposable camera.
Hmm.
She has a nice digital camera I got her for last Christmas. Why would she have this disposable camera? OK lots of innocent reasons come to mind. Interestingly, it's this new Kodak "Plus Digital" camera that you get a free Photo CD of digital pics when you get it developed. It's got 20 pictures taken on it already, 7 remaining.
Well, I wonder, does your mind work the same as mine, or have I gone off the deep end completely paranoid here?
You know what I did, right?
Yep. That evening doing last minute Christmas shopping, I also picked up another camera of the same type. Took 20 pictures of a flashlight shining into the lense so it will appear overexposed, and switched that. Took the remaining 7 pictures of The Boy and me at my aunt's (well, had them taken) and dropped it off for processing yesterday. Pick it up on Friday. It has to be sent out to get the Photo CD, they can't do it in the 1 Hour lab at the store.
Which is good, because if it turns out to have porn pics of her and her boyfriend on it, I'd rather it be sent out to a big anonymous facility and not developed by the dude behind the counter... :)
Of course, it may turn out to be completely innocent pictures of her new apartment or something....though that seems a little unlikely. Appears she wanted digital pics but didn't want to use the computer since she knows I'm sneaky. Or possibly HE took them of himself, then gave it to her to take a few of herself, before developing...but that doesn't make sense, why would they take self-portraits when it'd be easier to do it together? The most likely scenario is it was given to her by her company at the company holiday party, like they gave everyone a camera to take some fun pics with...if it's NOT porn pics, that's the most likely scenario I guess.
But if it is pics of the two of them, I'll be happy. My friend said, "Are you prepared to see that?" and the answer was most definitely yes. They will make all her lies completely impossible to hold up. To the guy's wife, to her family, even to MY family. I know that's infantile of me to say, but it's important to me that people know what she's doing, and that I didn't want this divorce, that I was willing to put up with an affair for a few weeks while hoping she'd come to her senses, etc.
Did I blog in here that her mother had told my aunt (aunt works in her mom's bank, sees her sometimes) that "JD thinks EL is sleeping around, but she's not. But he's already looking for a replacement on the Internet."
That really pissed me off! I don't really know if EL's mom actually believes that EL isn't sleeping with the guy, or does know the real truth but is lying to my family. Both are equally possible. But my suspicion is that EL told her mom that I'm crazy and I THINK she's having an affair. That would be the smart option. So that's another reason I'd love to have a pic.
I know, I'm going crazy. :) But I really don't care, it won't hurt me a bit to see pics like that, I've read far worse - unless he's wearing a Nazi costume and shoving a baseball bat up her ass, nothing could surprise me. Even that wouldn't, actually.
Let's see, what else am I leaving out...I think that's a pretty good recap of the weekend, and my sneaky behavior. EL has suddenly said she needs to talk to her lawyer before signing the house over to me, because she "thinks she's entitled to half the equity."
The woman is so ignorant! ARGH! I've been TELLING HER THAT for two months! Everytime t he subject comes up, I tell her that - "You know, you are entitled to half the equity, but the only way you can get that is if we sell the house, I can't afford to give it to you otherwise...and even then there might not be any equity after closing costs and the realtor fee...so it's up to you, if you sign it over to me The Boy at least gets the stability of the same house." I have made no secret of that - the fact is the most equity there might be after fees and costs is maybe $20000, so $10k each. Hardly seems worth the hassle and pain of selling the house, doing that to The Boy, and if I stay here even one more year I'd be able to get the house into much better selling shape, I told her that, and we could write something into the agreement where I pay her later.
Apparently she heard none of that though...we've had that conversation several times. So now I don't know, I think maybe she's going to change her mind and get greedy, and if she does, there goes any chance of me keeping the house. Oh well. Maybe she'll think about it and come to the conclusion I did. I dunno, but not much I can do about it.
I think that's all the news that needs updatin'.
The Boy has a raspy, phlemy cough today so taking him to the doctor. Poor guy!
The Boy had a good Christmas. Since there'd been much procrastinating and arguing over the tree, it turns out Santa Claus brought him his tree, AND the presents underneath it! Neat!
EL finally admitted - her plan all along had been to take his presents from Santa over to her mother's to open there. That is an example of the weird relationship they have, and her mother tries to have with my son. I'm glad I put my foot down on that one. She seemed honestly confused as to why I'd have a problem with that. "You could have given him the presents from you here." The presents from me, not Santa, were two books with some inscriptions I'd written in. Everything else he got was "To: The Boy. From: Santa."
I didn't get upset, I just told her it wasn't going down like that. So we did the Santa presents at our house under our tree, and she took him to her mothers that afternoon. Originally I had been planning to go, but her mother called that morning while EL was in the shower, and in the space of one sentence, made it pretty clear who was invited and who wasn't. Something like, "Is EL coming over with The Boy? She's in the shower? Well, when EL gets out, have EL call and tell us what time she's bringing The Boy over."
We then went to my aunt's that evening (mom's side) and then my other aunt's (dad's side) on Sunday. All in all a good weekend. EL and I did get along for the most part.
So, there were some good comments on my last entry about me spying on EL again. The key point was definitely - hey, aren't YOU the guy who bitches about EL's amazingly ignorant comment, "Anything that makes me this happy, can't be wrong?" Ooops...busted. Indeed, that was something I didn't see for myself - me saying "my spying makes me feel better as it reveals what a terrible person she is" really isn't a lot different. I see that, and so, I deserve
I'm not resolving to stop, though. Because, I'm tired of making a promise I find it too hard to keep. She makes it too easy, and it really DOES make my mental state better. Some people have asked me, doesn't it just pain you to read that stuff? Not anymore. That's one of the fundamental shifts in my emotions over the course of this blog - it USED to be painful. Now it's just sad and even contemptable. But, yes, I guess it is still wrong, no matter how I rationalize it. So call me a hypocrite on this one, I deserve it. I see I've sunk to her level in this area. Like a junkie, I keep saying "once more and I'll stop." (read on, about the camera, for example...)
So having said that, I'll wallow in it a bit longer - I had been going through this long chat log to the car stereo installer and making comments on it, but that began to seem rather pathetic and contemptable itself after about 15 minutes, and completely obsessive and weird after another 15. So I dropped that idea.
Suffice to say - she claims to this guy lots of really weird things. She makes fun of HIS ex when he explains he broke up with his ex after catching her cheating on him. She makes comments like, "I wouldn't be a one night stand for you would I? I can't have just meaningless sex." Previous to that of course she was talking about her desire for a threesome, and how the 3rd partner really couldn't be a friend due to the jealousy issues it might cause with her boyfriend. But then still LATER in the chat she says she's, "not with anyone right now."
She brags that she was hired at her job as "eye candy." What woman wouldn't be proud of that, eh? Of course she also brags how she was hired over the phone on the first phone interview. You figure that one out, I can't.
She also brags that she has to be able to "drink like a man because of my job, I've got to be able to go to bars and really put them away, not look like a lightweight." This from the daughter of two recovering alchoholics.
Lots of other stupid things, but everytime he asks her why she got divorced, she changes the subject. Highly amusing, I'm serious.
OK but there's more action on the "Bad Snooping Husband" front. I guess this is pretty over the top, but my motivation is mainly for legal purposes and also a desire to set straight her lies when the time comes.
Basically - I hadn't really been looking in her car anymore either. Just didn't seem to matter anymore. But last Friday I was looking for the baby bag, asked her where it was, she said her car. I asked if it was locked and could I go get it, she said yes. OK, well, sitting between the front seats was a disposable camera.
Hmm.
She has a nice digital camera I got her for last Christmas. Why would she have this disposable camera? OK lots of innocent reasons come to mind. Interestingly, it's this new Kodak "Plus Digital" camera that you get a free Photo CD of digital pics when you get it developed. It's got 20 pictures taken on it already, 7 remaining.
Well, I wonder, does your mind work the same as mine, or have I gone off the deep end completely paranoid here?
You know what I did, right?
Yep. That evening doing last minute Christmas shopping, I also picked up another camera of the same type. Took 20 pictures of a flashlight shining into the lense so it will appear overexposed, and switched that. Took the remaining 7 pictures of The Boy and me at my aunt's (well, had them taken) and dropped it off for processing yesterday. Pick it up on Friday. It has to be sent out to get the Photo CD, they can't do it in the 1 Hour lab at the store.
Which is good, because if it turns out to have porn pics of her and her boyfriend on it, I'd rather it be sent out to a big anonymous facility and not developed by the dude behind the counter... :)
Of course, it may turn out to be completely innocent pictures of her new apartment or something....though that seems a little unlikely. Appears she wanted digital pics but didn't want to use the computer since she knows I'm sneaky. Or possibly HE took them of himself, then gave it to her to take a few of herself, before developing...but that doesn't make sense, why would they take self-portraits when it'd be easier to do it together? The most likely scenario is it was given to her by her company at the company holiday party, like they gave everyone a camera to take some fun pics with...if it's NOT porn pics, that's the most likely scenario I guess.
But if it is pics of the two of them, I'll be happy. My friend said, "Are you prepared to see that?" and the answer was most definitely yes. They will make all her lies completely impossible to hold up. To the guy's wife, to her family, even to MY family. I know that's infantile of me to say, but it's important to me that people know what she's doing, and that I didn't want this divorce, that I was willing to put up with an affair for a few weeks while hoping she'd come to her senses, etc.
Did I blog in here that her mother had told my aunt (aunt works in her mom's bank, sees her sometimes) that "JD thinks EL is sleeping around, but she's not. But he's already looking for a replacement on the Internet."
That really pissed me off! I don't really know if EL's mom actually believes that EL isn't sleeping with the guy, or does know the real truth but is lying to my family. Both are equally possible. But my suspicion is that EL told her mom that I'm crazy and I THINK she's having an affair. That would be the smart option. So that's another reason I'd love to have a pic.
I know, I'm going crazy. :) But I really don't care, it won't hurt me a bit to see pics like that, I've read far worse - unless he's wearing a Nazi costume and shoving a baseball bat up her ass, nothing could surprise me. Even that wouldn't, actually.
Let's see, what else am I leaving out...I think that's a pretty good recap of the weekend, and my sneaky behavior. EL has suddenly said she needs to talk to her lawyer before signing the house over to me, because she "thinks she's entitled to half the equity."
The woman is so ignorant! ARGH! I've been TELLING HER THAT for two months! Everytime t he subject comes up, I tell her that - "You know, you are entitled to half the equity, but the only way you can get that is if we sell the house, I can't afford to give it to you otherwise...and even then there might not be any equity after closing costs and the realtor fee...so it's up to you, if you sign it over to me The Boy at least gets the stability of the same house." I have made no secret of that - the fact is the most equity there might be after fees and costs is maybe $20000, so $10k each. Hardly seems worth the hassle and pain of selling the house, doing that to The Boy, and if I stay here even one more year I'd be able to get the house into much better selling shape, I told her that, and we could write something into the agreement where I pay her later.
Apparently she heard none of that though...we've had that conversation several times. So now I don't know, I think maybe she's going to change her mind and get greedy, and if she does, there goes any chance of me keeping the house. Oh well. Maybe she'll think about it and come to the conclusion I did. I dunno, but not much I can do about it.
I think that's all the news that needs updatin'.
The Boy has a raspy, phlemy cough today so taking him to the doctor. Poor guy!
posted by Fensty at 8:27 AM
4 Comments:
El definately has some deep seated issues, and of course she is going to lie, she doesn't want to look like the "bad guy", so she is going to make it appear like it's your fault. She doesn't want anyone to know, not even her internet *cough* friends, how sleazy she really is. One thing though, she is telling so many lies that she can't keep up with them, that will be her downfall.
She is going to fall flat on her face eventually and when she is does, who does she think is going to pick up the pieces of her broken life?
She has a lot to learn.
signed,
Learned.
You did what???! Over the top? Yea, I'd say. What you did with the camera was way out of line. What the fuck does it matter what was on the film. You're getting a divorce, you know she's seeing other men. The excuse that it's for "legal" ammo is bullshit. You have enough already and could have waited til she developed the pictures. You snoop. You would have found them.
Snooping is one thing, but you've gone way beyond snooping.
What's next? Following her in your car? Taping conversations? Staking out her place? Setting up cameras to spy on her?
uh huh.
Sie:
If your relationship with your child, your personal wealth, and your reputation was on the line in a divorce, you might have a different attitude towards finding pictures of your wife engaged in an affair.
Maybe you wouldn't, maybe you could just rise above it all and say "I don't care, we're getting divorced, so nothing else matters." I hope you never have to find out.
I DO consider it to be a legal and moral imperative that I know what she's taken pics of, sorry. This is a woman who took pictures of a bag of CATNIP for God's sake.
Anyway, you should read back the blog a bit. I already DID consider (even tested out) putting a camera in the house to see who comes and goes when I'm not home. AND I considered, even tried, to tape a conversation.
In fact I WILL be taping a conversation in the future, no doubt in my mind I'm going to do that. Next time we talk about the divorce, I'm going to make certain I have her on tape admitting the affair, when it started, that he's married, and that she doesn't care and doesn't think there's anything wrong with it.
You bet I'm gonna do that, and I feel no shame whatsoever in doing so. Sorry.
I DO feel a little bad about the snooping, but I'm not gonna say I'm not doing it anymore, 'cuz I prefer to at least be honest about it.
JD
JD,
Stick to your guns. Unless someone else has been through the EXACT SAME THING, they don't know what they'd do. It's easy to look in from the outside and say "man, that guy's crazy." Personally, I think the flashlight/overexposed idea is pure genious. I'm inspired! As I read along, before we got to that part, I was thinking "how's he gonna do that, just expose part of it, how in the heck?" and then you went and suprised me.
And I think that the snooping is making you feel better. You SEEM better, if you don't mind me saying so. Finding proof that you're not the bad guy is probably helping a lot, reassuring yourself that you didn't cause this. How many times have I told you that?
Drop me a line, either at work or via Yahoo. There are some little updates in my world and I'd love to hear from you how you're really doing. (I know that the blog is real, but you don't have to hide behind anonyminity with me - or however you spell it.)
Either way,
Take Care,
Dana
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