EL's Antics (and my own dishonesty, of course...)

Well.

As I always have said, the curse of spying is definitely that sometimes I want to go to EL and set her straight on the crazy things she thinks. On the other hand, it's a window into her soul that is very useful.

Case in point:

Last night, I was supposed to go out with some friends, but that fell apart at sorta the last minute, so I called one of my new lady friends and asked if she had plans.

She didn't, but had no babysitter - he daughter is 5. Well, we've been friends for awhile and out a few times (this is "ER") so it seemed safe to introduce the kids a little bit. So we went to Chuck E. Cheese (for those that don't know - one of those kid's pizza restaurants, with the arcade and skee-ball and climbing stuff and toddler gyms and things) for about 2 hours, let the kids play and stuff. I think it was fun, The Boy had an AWESOME time, and her daughter was really cute.

Now, I didn't think telling EL that was such a hot idea, so I told her one of my first outright lies in this mess. Wasn't the worst thing I've ever done, that's for sure. But I said hey, I'm going to take The Boy out to meet my aunts for dinner, and my cousin (18 year old girl) is going to be there too, so The Boy can get to know her better in case she ever has to babysit."

Seemed a smart move, and a good way to explain where he was going - such a fun festive place, not where my aunts and I would normally go to dinner. :)

Anyway, turns out while I was gone, she was writing more porno emails to the Other Guy. I think that's a new tradition - a "bedtime story" she calls it. But that's not the one that bothered me, hell I just laugh at those now and pity her.

Nope, it was this:

Sorry I was in a mood today. He wrote me at work and asked if he could take (The Boy) to dinner with his aunts. He said the reason he wanted to take him tonight was to make sure he'd have someone to babysit him when he needed someone. He says he wants 50% but that's only when he wants to show him off. He just wants to pawn him off on someone else. Any way, so I really feel bad for (The Boy), because he's being used. He told he wanted to go with me not daddy tonight. Talk to you later.

Well. Like I said, I want to run up and set her straight when I read that crap, but it's my fault for reading it, so, I just have to deal. I guess I deserve that for lying. But it's annoying anyway. Who's manipulating who here and using my son? "He wanted to go with me and not daddy tonight." I love my son, and he's a freakin' genius, but he's really not at the stage where he articulates thoughts that way. He might say, "Want go with Mommy" but that's not the same as a reasoned statement of, "I'd rather be with you, Mom, than dad tonight."

Besides - she was driving stuff back and forth to her apartment. I took him to a freakin' kids paradise where he played with a bunch of other kids for 2 hours. You're gonna tell me a 2 year old would rather move boxes? I don't think so.

-sigh-

I know I can't change it, and I shouldn't read the damn Emails, but it bugs me she feels that way. Whatever. I know my motives are not what she says, that will have to be enough for now.


On the other hand, I also read stuff like this, an Email to some other friend of hers, a client or coworker who it appears knows the whole story, and is a friend of both of them:

Hey, so I went out on this "date" and couldn't think of anything but him. He sent me an im and an email on Christmas. I just wish I could talk to him everyday. I never actually told him I went out, because last week he said he would just "duck out of the picture" and that kind of offened me. Like our "relationship" meant nothing. So this week I asked him again and he was like, "Please don't do that." So that makes me think he does actually think of this as something more. Then Tuesday he tells me he's really down. I ask why and he says he can't put it into words, so I told him, if it had anything to do with me, I'll walk away. And he says, "No, please don't." Later he tells me she's promised to stop smoking. He tells me he misses me everyday. So here's what I think- for this week, she's decided to be good and this doesn't make him happy, because, as he puts it, I make him happy. The problem, the person who makes you happy is supposed to be your signifigant other and vise versa and the fact that even if she's "behaving" it's not her.

So, as always, I feel bad for his situation. Everyday, I like him more and more. This week has been a really, busy rough week for him. Putting all that aside, I was having trouble finding time to run a report today and he volunteered to run it for me. Now that's super sweet and why I adore him. He didn't have to do that.

Aww, poor kid. It's already falling apart on her. What a surprise, he's not always clear on what he wants out of their relationship? He makes a comment one day that he can just "walk away" if she finds someone else, then other times says he can't?

Yeah. Those of us on the outside of this mess can't help but see what's going on here. This is why I feel pity and contempt for her. She's falling harder for the Other Guy and he's obviously not leaving his wife. She feels the need to lie to him about going out on other dates - like that's also not going to be a problem. Especially for someone as indiscreet as her? Not that you can call it "cheating" on someone that's your married lover, I guess...but still. My own situation of course, dating a few different people socially, I've decided the only way to handle that is be open and upfront about it.

I didn't handle that too great myself recently in fact, I told one of my friends I've been chatting with the same crappy story about going out with my aunts, so I at least went back and told her the truth today. Anyone else who I've actually dated I've also been open with about my situation - I'm just socially dating people to get used to the feelings again, but if/when it seems like someone might be more of a serious match for me then of course I'll stop seeing the others...we all seem to understand each other on that score, I guess it's how we adults handle this stuff? Beats me. But if nothing else I have EL as a great example of what NOT to do in this post-divorce relationship phase. I won't fall for this "grass is greener" crap, even though both Punky and ER really seem to be great match-ups for me at this point (the only two I have met, aside from the one Bad Date with SM) I don't trust those feelings very much. Nor should THEY trust ME if I would say that. So it seems the ONLY way to get to a place where I can trust my instincts and feelings is to date a bunch of people (I said date, not have sex with, by the way!) until I get a better handle on my own feelings.

Silly as it sounds, I think I need some more "bad dates" for the perspective THAT brings, than good dates. :)


Anyway, I know it's pretty shitty of me to post this stuff here, but the hell with her. Besides she'll be out of the house by the end of the weekend and the computer with her, so I won't be able to snoop anymore anyway. I'm sure that's good for both of us. I'm not able to control these impluses as well as I control the anger issues, which I'm completely in control of now.